Are you and your partner thinking of having children? Do you know all the ways you approach your differences? Have you worked them out?
Why not try having a pet first? This animal will give you a chance to find out these differences. For example, what kind of animal do you or your partner want? Do you want a cat, a dog, a bird, or something more exotic? Why? What’s the pet supposed to do for you? Be ornamental? Be groomed and for show? Be a companion? Be a worker alongside you?
Does your partner agree with these choices and needs? Who will be responsible for your animal? That means cleaning the litter box or birdcage or walking the dog. That means going to the vet. That means giving medicines when the animal is sick. It means cutting the nails if necessary. It means choosing and buying the food. It means grooming your pet.
Will you trade off these chores? Who gets to do the yucky ones?
And then there are the ‘fun” fights. What if you choose the animal and it prefers your partner? What if it sleeps on her or him? What if it goes to her or him first when you both come home?
More “fun” questions: What if the animal is a disappointment? You or your partner had great hopes for this creature. And it just lays there, a lump. Do you trade it in or get a replacement animal?
You can start to see how raising these questions start to answer what might happen when you have a child. You need to find out who is going to do the dirty work. You need to find out what happens when the child prefers one of you. You need to find out whether you or your partner prefers a girl or a boy. You need to figure out what might happen if your child should turn out to be disappointing.
If you start to have fights over your pet, go to your therapist and have her/him help you. It will help you understand what might happen if you proceed with having a child with your partner.