People have differences, even parents. So, how do you handle them? Does handling involve discussion, arguments, yelling, screaming, rage, demeaning the other, hitting someone, hitting everything, destroying the house? You should try to find civil ways to handle the differences. That doesn’t mean you can’t be heated and passionate about them. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be arguing in front of the children (and the pets, let’s not forget the pets!)
It means that you have to ‘contain’ how you fight. You can occasionally raise your voices, but not to where they’re scaring the children and the animals. You can’t be abusive to your partner in front of the kids. That means no names, no dirt, no cheap shots, no ancient history, and so on. And you can’t hit the other person or go around slamming doors, pots and pans, throwing things, and breaking anything. That constitutes child abuse and, by the way, is reportable in many states and provinces.
If you’re finding that you can’t pull back and calm down, you as parents need to go to a therapist and you also need to bring the children in as well. They need to be helped separately. Your therapist will be able to help you bring down the temperature and find some other ways to iron out your points of view. She or he will also be able to minimize the damage your children (and pets) are feeling and help them find better ways to tell you what they need while you and your beloved are disagreeing.
So, go to your therapist before any more damage is done. Leave the pets at home.