Are you able to sit with your partner without doing anything at all? Can you shut off the television, computer and phone and just sit and be together? Many couples find it difficult to just be together with each other.
Do you and your spouse often invite friends or other family members to join you in activities? Some couples find it boring to just be by themselves. They often don’t go to dinner together, can’t vacation alone, and wouldn’t dream of doing something without outside entertainment. Does the thought of sitting next to a pool, just the two of you, sound exciting or incredibly boring? If it sounds painful, consider what would happen if the two of you spent time alone together.
Other couples busy themselves to avoid just being alone with their partner. They run from one activity to the next. Their activities may center on their children, their work, or other activities to ensure that they aren’t bored together. Other couples want to appear exciting but are really fearful of appearing to be boring.
Lack of time together can impact your intimacy in the marriage. If you don’t take time out from the rest of the world to be together by yourselves, how do you re-connect? It’s important to have this private time together to share your feelings, talk about life, and just enjoy one another’s company.
If you and your partner have difficulty enjoying one another’s company without outside entertainment, consider the underlying reason. Do you not have anything to talk about? Do you find your partner to be boring? Would you most likely start arguing? Do you not have fun with your partner? Do you lack anything in common? Do you feel guilty having down time?
It’s important to discover the underlying reason so that you can address the issue. Do you need to work on rebuilding your relationship with your partner? Do the two of you need to have more fun together so that you’ll have more things to talk about when you are alone?
If you aren’t used to spending time alone together doing nothing, it can take some practice. Try to spend just five minutes together talking. Experiment with eating dinner at the table together, just the two of you. Then slowly start increasing the amount of time the two of you spend by yourselves and see if it becomes more natural over time.