Sometimes a person decides that he’s married the wrong person. He thinks the marriage cannot be saved because he and his wife have too many differences. He thinks he made a mistake when he got married and must have been so blinded by his infatuation that he overlooked her flaws. He stays married to her after he’s come to this conclusion and spends his time gathering evidence to further support his claim that they are incompatible.
He becomes annoyed by her frequently. Her irritating behaviors seem to be magnified. He finds it difficult to spend time with her.When they do spend time together, they usually argue, which reinforces his thought that they are incompatible. He continues with these patterns until he gathers enough evidence to prove he is justified in his decision to end the marriage.
Unfortunately, this scenario is not all that uncommon. A person who begins thinking he married the wrong person, begins paying attention to his spouse’s behaviors that further this claim. He also screens out any contradictory evidence. So if he and his wife have a good day together he attributes it to something other than their compatibility.
He also starts behaving differently. He spends less time with her. They don’t have any quality time together. He picks fights with her and doesn’t try to ensure she feels loved. Instead, he begins to treat her unkindly.
When people change their thinking and their behaviors, their feelings change. If you think your spouse is not meant for you and behave in an unloving way, your feelings will start to dissipate as well. Sometimes it happens slowly and evolves over a few years. Other times, the process can happen more rapidly.
If you’ve decided that you’ve married the wrong person, take a look at how your thoughts and behaviors are becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, focusing on your compatibility can have a positive impact on the relationship. If you started to focus on what made you fall in love and get married in the first place, you may think differently about your partner and behave more lovingly. This can improve the relationship and your feelings about your marriage.
If you’ve already decided that your marriage is not working out, don’t just wait around and witness the relationship falling apart. Take a look at some of your thoughts about the marriage and try to gain a more realistic view of your thoughts and behaviors that may be contributing to the problems. Consider what would happen if you focused on how compatible you and your partner are and look for those positive results.