Sometimes frustrations and anger can lead to a major blow up at your spouse. Often, people would never blow up at anyone else, however, their spouse gets the brunt of their anger. When people blow up, they may yell, scream, say rude things, or even make threats.
When you blow up at your spouse, it can take a toll on the relationship. You may so or do things that you normally wouldn’t do. You can’t take it back. It can lead to serious marriage problems. Learning how to take steps to avoid blowing up at your spouse and manage your anger is important if you have fallen into this bad habit.
1. Talk About Problems as the Arise
It’s important to talk about problems as they arise. Don’t hold them all in until you finally explode. Feelings of anger and resentment don’t just disappear, they tend to build up.
Imagine a wife who is slightly offended by a comment her husband makes about how she looks. Then later in the day, he makes a joke about her intelligence that she is also offended by. Then he says his mother is coming over for dinner and she worries that on such short notice, she won’t be able to prepare a large meal. After dinner, her husband teases her about not having made any dessert. After remaining silent all day, she finally yells at him and says he’s rude and insensitive. He’s left feeling confused about why she would be so easily offended about one simple comment, without understanding her feelings have built all day.
When something bothers you, it is best to talk about it. Share your feelings when you are frustrated, hurt, offended, sad, or just plain angry. Discussing these issues as they arise can help you address them in a calmer state which can be much more productive in resolving the problem.
2. Check Your Feelings Periodically
Sometimes feelings build without their actually being a single “incident.” Instead, it is the day to day things that just sort of all add up.
For example, a husband may feel frustrated that when he comes home from work every day, his stay-at-home wife does not have dinner ready. He may also be frustrated that the house is not very clean and is further frustrated when his wife asks him to give the kids a bath and put them to bed at night. If it happened occasionally, he wouldn’t mind. However, after it happening every night for several weeks, he finally tells her she is lazy and either needs to get a job or do more work around the house.
Check in on your feelings periodically to see if there is any resentment building. Sometimes it builds slowly over time so you are best able to take care of it before it gets too big. Don’t allow life to slip by while your feelings pile up.
3. Learn to Take a Time Out
If you and your spouse are getting into a heated discussion, take a time out. Walk away for a few minutes until you can cool off. Discuss strategies for taking a time out with your spouse ahead of time so your spouse can agree to let you walk away to calm down with the agreement that you will re-visit the issue when you feel calm.
There may be certain issues that are difficult for you to discuss. If so, be prepared with a plan of how to handle them when they have to be talked about. For example, if you disagree on parenting issues and you tend to get passionate when discussing this, talk to your spouse ahead of time about how to resolve some of your issues without blowing up.
4. Practice Healthy Stress Management Skills
It’s important to learn how to manage your stress. The everyday demands of life can lead to a lot of stress build up and sometimes people take this out on their spouse. So practice making stress management a part of your daily life.
Take care of yourself by eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and getting exercise. Also, participate in enjoyable activities. If you need help managing your stress, consider seeking professional help.
5. Treat Your Spouse Better than You Treat Others
Practice treating your spouse better than you treat other people. Unfortunately, for most people, the opposite is true. They may be kinder to strangers, co-workers, or other family members than their spouse.
Take responsibility for your behaviors and the control you have over your emotions. Make a conscious decision to treat your spouse better than other people. This daily decision to treat your spouse well can help prevent you from blowing up.