One of my clients came to me and was concerned, not about his sex life, but his wife’s. She is not turned on. Why? Well, she’s in a lot of pain. What’s the pain from? Well, I guess she has a bad back and she has arthritis. What kind of arthritis? I don’t know. What’s she doing for it? She tries to keep warmer. Anything else? I don’t know. BTW, are you angry and/or upset about not having as much sex? I guess so. But I try to put it out of my mind.
I said that this wasn’t a good way to proceed. He needed to know more about all the specifics of his wife’s conditions—and not just from her. I urged him to accompany her to her doctor’s visits, especially on worrisome problems. I urged to get her to sign a release so he could talk to the doctor(s.) I urged him to find out what medications she was taking and how they worked, since he didn’t know that, either. And I urged him to go do the same for her—have her know what was going on with him.
I suggested that he get clear answers to his questions about her health in terms he could understand. I suggested he help her with her health. She was cleaning too much and strained herself. So he had to watch how much she was doing. He could, I pointed out, buy her a swivel turntable seat for her car to make it easier for her to get out of the car. And so on.
This case is typical: we need to help each other. And it’s necessary now, because we’re all growing older and we’ll need more help and may need to make medical decisions for our partner. You should start now, and so should your partner!