Technology and Cheating
Most couples never sit down and discuss what specifically constitutes cheating within their relationship. However, different couples consider different things to be an act of infidelity. It’s important to recognize what you would consider to be unacceptable behaviors.
In an age of increased technology, there are many more opportunities for couples to engage in secret behaviors. The news is full of politicians caught having secret affairs. Many affairs start with people who use technology to begin a secret relationship. The internet offers many opportunities for people to anonymously post personal ads or answer them. Pictures can be sent discreetly. And texting and tweeting allow for ongoing secretive communication.
Are you engaging in any behaviors that your spouse is not aware of? If so, it is more than likely an act of infidelity. Even if t he relationship has never become physical, or if you have never met the other person, it could still be an affair. Ask yourself, “would my spouse be okay with this?” If so, tell them about your behaviors. If you aren’t willing to talk about, it is a sure sign that it is infidelity.
Perhaps you’ve chatted online and your partner is not aware that you have an online “friend.” Or maybe you’ve had sexual conversations with people online or looked at pornography without your partner’s knowledge. Or maybe you’ve sent racy pictures of yourself to others or received photos.
Or maybe you are using technology to talk to people that you knew from your past. Perhaps you started using Facebook to talk to a former boyfriend. Or maybe you find yourself texting a same sex friend frequently throughout the day.
Whatever the case may be, keeping secrets from your spouse will hurt your relationship. Talk to your spouse about what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable within the marriage. If you are struggling with these issues, therapy can be helpful, especially if you have developed an addiction.
You are quite right. It is important for couples to have an agreement about what specifically constitutes cheating. In ‘Truth Games’ http://is.gd/gAg3ZZ , which explores issues of infidelity in 1970s London UK, a group of friends get way out of their depth in infidelity. It is the couple who discuss their ‘contract’ with each other and observe it who make it through together. Thought-provoking stuff.
I agree. It has become much easier for people to cheat on their partner with the use of technology. In fact, at the beginning of the relationship with my girlfriend, she was in contact with a guy on Facebook behind my back, who she then cheated on me with.
I only found out about the whole situation when she left herself logged in on my computer. Maybe I was wrong to go through her messages but I am glad that I did it because after a lot of discussions and talks we did decide to stay together on the condition that we talk about everything and have no secrets. There is nothing that we hide from each other. Since this event, we have such a strong relationship.
If we have a question or issue with something, we talk to each other and resolve it straightaway. In the same way, technology is no longer a problem. Both of us know the passcodes to our phones and give each other permission to check it at any time. Although, we don’t actually have the need to check them because we have rebuilt that trust in each other.
We are extremely open in our relationship and there is nothing we won’t talk about or discuss. This is absolutely the best way to be in a relationship. When you are with the one you love, there should be no secrets, you are one and share everything.
There’s simply no such thing as so-called “harmless-flirting”, on or offline. Not enough couples understand that social media and online contact with others represents a high risk situation for emotional affairs and worse. Not until it’s too late in most cases.
Don’t type, say or do anything on or offline that you wouldn’t type, say or do right in front of your spouse!