Have you ever stopped to think what it is that makes you feel loved? Many people know whether or not they feel loved but don’t spend much time reflecting on what that actually means. It is important to recognize what actually makes you feel loved by your partner and then communicate this to your spouse. Providing feedback about what makes you feel loved can help reinforce the behaviors from your spouse that are helpful.
Physical affection makes some people feel loved. This might mean holding hands, sitting together on the couch, sexual intimacy or hugging and kissing. For other people, this is just part of the routine and doesn’t ignite any particular feelings of being loved.
Some people require verbal affirmations to feel loved. Praise, acknowledgement, and discussions about emotions can affirm love. However, for other people, words don’t mean much.
Chores and acts of kindness equate to love for some people. “If you clean the house for me, you must love me.” Other people think that such tasks have nothing to do with feelings of love but instead are just chores to be completed.
Gifts can make some people feel loved as well. “If you took the time to pick out a present for me, you must love me.” Buying a small token of appreciation, providing a surprise gift, or making a large purchase can all be signs to some people that they are truly loved. For other people, spending money does not equate to love in anyway.
There are plenty of other ways that some people feel loved by their spouse. Acknowledge what it is that your partner does that makes you feel the most loved. Also, recognize what would make you feel even more loved and communicate this to your partner.
It is also important to ask your partner the same question. Perhaps you thought that by doing the dishes each night, your partner felt loved but in reality your partner was feeling neglected because you chose the dishes over spending time with him. Communicating your needs and desires is important. Recognize that what makes you feel loved may be completely different from what makes your partner feel loved as well.