Our Sense of Self 

By Maria C. Ramos, MS. MFT

When do we start losing our sense of Self? Is it when we join forces with our significant other? Or, is it when we become insignificant within our own families? Or, is it when we work under individuals who do not allow us to grow and improve our position within our chosen career, losing the certainty of what we know? Or is it when the fear of starting something new stops us from “knowing our sense of Self.”

Losing our sense of Self:

“Fear.” What a horrible word this is; it paralyzes us. It is difficult for individuals to be happy when “fear” of starting something new (career or relationships) stops us from leaving a harmful situation. We lose our dignity as individuals.

What is our sense of self?

For me, my sense of self came from developing knowledge of who I am – my accomplishments big or small, in spite of adversities, and financial burden.  Throughout my career as a counselor, I have seen, time and again, adults who lost themselves in someone else’s world. Couples develop a mesh in their relationship or parents forget to allow themselves to grow as their children grow also.

Meshing is a horrible disease of LOSS OF SELF.  Great couples or adults who have a sense of self are able to share themselves without losing a sense of who they are – sharing their inner beauty but not allowing someone to dominate or dictate to them. There are many ways; we allow this process to take over slowly. Guilt, wanting to be loved and accepted, or simply the individual does not love himself or herself.


What can be done?

While many do start to discover themselves or are even able to feel good about who they are after attending great counseling sessions, self-discovery is an exhilarating adventure. Counselors enjoy participating in this process; it is like watching a caterpillar opening up to a beautiful butterfly and seeing it fly away!

Whether discovering new things within a relationship or within themselves, developing the SENSE OF SELF is more beautiful than viewing a caterpillar blossom to a butterfly, because human beings have the dignity we deserve as God’s creation and most precious gift of love.  It will be the first time they are able to love themselves and see that for the first time.

So, if you ever wonder – where are you going or who you are…. seeking the right type of counseling will be rediscovering! Couples or adults are on their wonderful way to starting the New Year.


Maria C. Ramos, MS. MFT
National Board Certified Anger Management Specialist
Marriage &  Family  Counseling PA
9495 SW  72 Street  Suite B 294
Miami, Florida 33173
(305) 962-3344

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