The Marriage Counseling Blog

There’s tons of research studies on relationships, love, and marriage. Most of them have one thing in common- they explain how making small changes can make a big difference.  Check out these studies to see how smiling, a kiss before work, and a change in language can make a big difference in your marital satisfaction.

1. Men who kiss their wives good-bye in the morning live longer

According to a study conducted by a group of German physicians and psychologists, a kiss in the morning can make men live longer, healthier and more successful lives. According to Dr. Arthur Sazbo, the study concluded that men who kiss their wives each morning earn 20 to 30 percent more than other men. They also found that these men have less of a chance of getting into a car accident on the way to work and live on average, five years longer!

The authors of the study think this is because men who kiss their wives before work, start the day out with a more positive attitude. And they think this positive attitude spills over into other areas of their lives and making for a better quality of life.

2. Smiling predicts marriage success

Scientists at DePauw University reviewed pictures of people when they were younger and compared them to divorce rates. What they found is simply amazing. People who didn’t smile or who had weaker smiles, had a higher rate of divorce. People with big toothy grins had happier and longer-lasting marriages!

The study says that people who smiled least were five times more likely to get a divorce when compared to people who smiled the most. Researchers think that those who show more positive emotions are likely to be happier in life and in the marriage. So break out those childhood photos and check out your spouse’s smiles!

3. Older men enjoy sex more

A 2006 study conducted by the British Journal of Urology International found that older men enjoy sex as much, if not more than younger men. Men in their 50’s reported more sexual satisfaction than men in their 30’s and 40’s. In fact, their sexual satisfaction was at the same level as men in their 20’s.

There seems to be a myth that sexual satisfaction declines with age. Obviously this doesn’t have to be the case. Learning how to enjoy sex throughout your entire lives together is important to the health of your relationship.

4. Saying thank you can improve your marriage

Researchers from Arizona State University conducted a study in 2007 regarding gratitude. What they found was that when people said “thank you” after their partner completed chores, it led to less resentment over a perceived imbalance in household responsibilities.  People who showed appreciation for their partner reported more relationship satisfaction as well.

Debates and arguments over household chores can lead to a lot of marital discord. Often, when one person feels unappreciated and overworked, it interferes with their ability to feel loving toward their spouse. So make sure to say thank you for doing those dishes, taking out the garbage, and making dinner!

5.  Choose your words wisely

The Journal of Psychology and Aging published a 2009 study showed how couple-focused language can boost marital satisfaction. When couples endured conflict, the couples who used words “we,” “us,” and “our,” showed more affection, had less negative behaviors, and experienced less stress during disagreements. On the contrary, couples who used the words “I,” “you,” or “me,” reported decreased marital satisfaction.

Simply changing your words can go a long way. When you consider problems to be joint problems that both of you have, you can feel a lot more supported when compared to thinking that you’ve got a problem and your spouse won’t help. So start looking at how you view your problems as a couple and choose your words wisely!

6. Stop nagging and improve the marriage

In 2010, the Journal of Family Psychology published a study based on research by Dr. Markman that indicates nagging can have a big negative impact on the marriage. The study states that couples who were unhappy with the relationship five years into their marriage had a 20% increase in negative communication patterns, including nagging. As nagging increased, positive communication decreased.

The good news is, couples can address this. For people who are in the habit of nagging, they can learn new ways to communicate their feelings. It also means they need to learn how to trust in their partner’s judgment to do tasks independently. Then there’s room for more positive communication and an overall, happier marriage.