Is it Worth Arguing About? 

There are times that it may make sense to give up the fight and not argue. If you’ve brought it up  to your partner in the past and nothing changes, can you accept that your partner may not change? Sometimes small disagreements continue over and over again yet nothing changes, and the arguments continue.

Denise argued with Harold about the fact that he always threw his clothes on the floor at the end of the day. She purchased a new hamper and thought if she put it on his side of the room he’d start putting his clothes in it. However, he didn’t. She often yelled at him and called him a “slob.” She tried picking his clothes up herself sometimes. Other times, she let them pile up on the floor in hopes he would eventually pick them up. However, his behaviors didn’t change.

If Denise could accept that Harold didn’t find it important to put his clothes in the hamper, she might be able to give up feeling so frustrated. Letting go of trying to convince him to do it could help her to stop nagging, complaining and yelling at him. Learning to either tolerate his clothing on the floor or picking them up herself might be a better way to keep the peace instead of arguing with him about it repeatedly.

When you find that you and your partner frequently argue about the same subject, ask yourself if arguing is worth it. Is it possible that your reaction to your spouse’s behaviors may be making things worse? If your partner doesn’t change, how long can you tolerate it? Can you accept that your partner may not be interested in making these changes?

Sometimes accepting your partner for who they are can be a big step. Although you might want your partner to behave differently, practice loving your spouse for who they are today. If you can’t convince your spouse to change, your energy may be better spent focusing on changing your reaction and learning how to tolerate your spouse’s behaviors without making the situation worse.

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