It’s Never Too Late to Change 

Sometimes people feel like their relationship is not going to ever get any better. And when people think their marriage won’t ever get any better, they start to behave as if there marriage won’t get any better. When people behave this way, it ensures that their marriage won’t ever get better.

When people lower their expectations and become resigned to the fact that things won’t get better, it becomes this sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.  Take a look at your thoughts and behaviors to learn how this impacts your relationship. Do you expect things to get better and work toward making change? Or have you decided things are as good as they ever will be and don’t even attempt to improve your situation?

Picture a woman who thinks her husband is lazy. She says he never does anything around the house and doesn’t help her manage the finances. She nags him to take out the trash and argues with him that the lawn needs to be mowed. She thinks, “he’s so lazy and will never be the motivated person I wish he was.” So she keeps doing the majority of things on her own while complaining that he doesn’t get enough done and things don’t change.

Imagine if the same wife sat down with her husband and talked about her concerns. She invited him to discuss what sort of changes he wants to see in their relationship. Maybe he says that he’s tired on the weekends and if she allowed him to sleep in one day per week, he thinks he’d have more energy and wouldn’t spend Saturday mornings laying on the couch feeling tired. She agrees to do so and the following week after sleeping in, he feels more energized and starts doing some chores without her nagging him. His wife acknowledges the changes and shows her appreciation, which encourages him to do more things around the house.

If you dislike your partner’s behaviors and the status of your relationship, don’t give up hope that it’s too late for things to change. Instead, focus on what could be different. Change some of your negative thoughts and also try changing some of your behaviors to try and make changes happen.

3 Responses to “It’s Never Too Late to Change”

  1. Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT on June 14th, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Nice piece and good examples of how to better communicate issues.

  2. This is a great topic for every person to understand the fundamentals. I know a lot of people have this idea you can’t change people or your spouse.

    I have seen studies were women know how to push their husband’s buttons in a negative way with no problem, like moaning when he takes the remote away or not washing his clothes.

    It just causes more arguments. If this is true, it is possible to learn how to push your partner or spouse’s buttons in a positive way to change, and secondly, there is no better time than to start learning how.

  3. The example shows that the woman nags and does not respect her husband. When a man is constantly treated in this way he learns that whether he takes out the trash or not, he will get punished / nagged. When one person is constantly unsatisfied, complains and nags the other, they are essentially taking the energy away. She communicates in ways that kills any energy a man might have. Changing her thinking patterns and behavior will change his, or at least how she sees him. When you don’t like your situation or what you have, change your perspective. Attitude makes a huge difference, especially in a relationship.

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