Many couples report that most of their arguments are about the same things over and over. These sorts of arguments often don’t ever get resolved and the same subject keeps coming up. It is important to take a look at your arguments to see what patterns you notice.
Where do most of your arguments happen? Do you tend to argue the most over the phone? Maybe when you are at work and you call home you tend to get into arguments? Or maybe you argue the most when you are both in the kitchen trying to prepare dinner. Or perhaps while you are in public or in the car you argue a lot.
Also look at the timing of your arguments. When do most of your arguments occur? Or maybe your arguments seem to happen on Sunday nights as both of you are stressed about having to return to work the next morning. Or maybe you argue the most before you go to a certain place, like your in-law’s house.
What do most of your arguments seem to be about? Perhaps you argue the most about the way your spouse treats you. Or maybe you argue about money or the kids. Do most of your disagreements center around your behaviors or your spouse’s behaviors? How do these arguments usually start?
Identifying patterns to your conflict can help you learn how to address unresolved issues. Perhaps you discover that you tend to argue most when you are feeling stressed about other things. It may help you to recognize the importance of finding healthy stress management techniques so that you don’t take it out on your spouse.
Once you identify patterns to your conflict, discuss strategies to help prevent unnecessary conflict. All conflict shouldn’t be avoided. However, the arguments that are ongoing and never seem to get resolved can be counter-productive to a healthy relationship. Learning more successful conflict resolution strategies can help you avoid unnecessary arguments.