Archive for September, 2011

What If My Boss Tells Me to See a Shrink? Some Questions You Should Ask…

One of my patients recently told me that his or her boss told them to go to the EAP and get some help.  The boss had mentioned some performance issues.  S/he had gone to the doctor first and had gotten a fitness report.  S/he then put a cover letter on the report and handed it […]

Remembering Why You Picked Your Partner

A few years into your marriage, you may not be feeling the warm fuzzy feelings toward your partner as often as in the past. This is normal. As the relationship develops, a deeper more meaningful sense of love grows. Some people mistake this deeper sense of love with boredom. It’s likely that early on in […]

Identifying Coping Thoughts

How you think impacts how you feel. What you think about your partner’s behaviors will impact how you feel about your partner. It is important to recognize some thoughts you may be having toward your partner are destructive. Just because you think something, doesn’t mean it is true. In fact, the more emotional you feel, the more […]

Are Self-Destructive Behaviors Impacting Your Marriage?

Many people engage in self-destructive behaviors that range from minor to potentially life threatening behaviors. Identifying these behaviors is the first step in learning how to heal. If you engage in these behaviors, therapy may be needed to help you stop. If you are dealing with a spouse who engages in self-destructive behaviors, therapy for yourself […]

Separating From Your Parents and Siding with Your Spouse

Maturity means you are able to separate from your parents. Being married means you have entered in a relationship that requires you to form a partnership. This partnership means that you and your spouse are a team of two, which doesn’t include your parents or your in-laws. Being supportive of your spouse doesn’t mean you […]

How You Remember Your Marital Past

A good indicator of marital satisfaction is how a couple recalls their past. The way they recall their history tells a lot about the current status of the relationship. Happier couples recall the past with more warm and caring sentiments. Couples who are currently dissatisfied, often say they have trouble remembering or only offer information […]

Starting Your Time Together on a Positive Note

When you and your partner reunite after work or time apart, the way you greet each other can set the tone for the rest of your time together. Making a conscious effort to greet each other in a positive way can improve the quality of your time together. If you have developed a habit of […]

Taking Responsibility When You’ve Hurt Your Partner

When you’ve hurt your partner’s feelings, how do you react? Whether you agree or not that your behaviors were hurtful, the actions you take next make a big difference in your relationship. Do you take responsibility for your behaviors? If not, this can damage the relationship. The first step in taking responsibility for your behaviors […]

The Importance of Taking Care of Yourself Physically

Have you ever heard someone say, “She’s really let herself go since she got married.” Yikes. Marriage tends to bring comfort. People shouldn’t equate being comfortable with being sloppy with their appearance. It is important to take care of yourself physically, before and after you are married. Taking care of yourself means taking care of your […]

Keeping the Friendship Alive

Many people report that they started out as friends with their spouse prior to getting married. However, over the years this friendship seems to change. Some people think that once you get married you are no longer “friends.” However, it is very healthy to keep up on the friendship aspect of your marriage. When a couple […]

Offering Encouragement to Your Spouse

Cheering for your partner is an important part of the marriage. Everyone can benefit from some well-meaning words of encouragement in life. And showing that you are your partner’s number one fan can mean a lot. Encouraging your partner is also cheering for the relationship. Marriage should not be about competition or jealousy. Instead, it […]

Making Your House a Place to Unwind

Coming home from work after a hard day can lead to a stressful evening. Staying at home with the children all day can be just as stressful and evenings may bring more stress. For couples who experience a lot of stress when they are apart, it is important to learn how to relieve your stress […]

Does Having Kids Kill the Romance?

Romance and sex can go out the window once couples have children. Young children can be exhausting and can prevent your ability to have privacy. Lack of time, energy, and libido can zap the romance from the marriage. However, lack of intimate alone time can cause long-term damage to the marriage. Don’t be afraid to […]

Discussing Your Marital Issues

How often do you discuss your marital issues? Even good marriages have issues that should be discussed. However, many couples avoid talking about them. Women are more likely than men to bring up marital issues in the first place. Often when issues are brought up, the conversation is shut down quickly. Men tend to be […]

Patterns to Your Arguments

Many couples report that most of their arguments are about the same things over and over. These sorts of arguments often don’t ever get resolved and the same subject keeps coming up. It is important to take a look at your arguments to see what patterns you notice. Where do most of your arguments happen? […]

Are You Able to Accept Feedback From Your Spouse?

How do you respond to your partner’s criticisms and complaints? Do you become defensive and aren’t able to tolerate hearing it? Does it get in the way of solving problems? Learning to listen to what your partner says is important. However, people who have difficulty accepting criticism often begin to prepare their defense rather than […]

Criticism Versus Complaining

When you need help and your feelings are hurt, or you want to see something change, how do you communicate these issues to your partner?  How you communicate these issues makes a big difference to the relationship and how your partner is likely to feel and respond. Criticism often places all of the blame on […]

Should You and Your Spouse Keep Separate Checking Accounts?

When determining a budget, many couples ask if they should keep separate checking accounts. Studies show that most couples who are entering into a second marriage do keep almost all of their money separate. However, how do you share your life together while not sharing your money? Being married means sharing in the responsibilities of […]

Dealing With Feelings Before You Grow Resentful

Resentment doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it grows slowly over time. Resentment becomes a serious barrier to a happy, loving marriage. It is important to deal with difficult feelings as they arise so that resentment does not build. When people experience unpleasant feelings, there are a variety of ways to deal with them. One method is […]

What Is Negotiable And What Isn’t

When you and your partner talk about making changes, it is important to make it clear what is negotiable and what isn’t. Tell your partner what you are willing to work on and what you aren’t planning to change. This can help reduce a lot of conflict, if you make it clear. Dan and Melissa […]