Archive for July, 2011

Parenting And Letting Go

You need to let go continuously as your child grows up.  Some thoughts… Being a parent is a constant process of letting go.  Even shortly after birth, the process starts.  You hand your precious newborn to someone else for a second.  Will s/he drop your heir?   Your newborn is crying in her/his crib. You don’t […]

Stop Dwelling on the Negative

When something bad happens, sometimes people tend to ruminate about it. They re-play the event over and over in their head. They dwell on how bad it was. They continue to feel bad about it. It creates a cycle where people feel bad and they can get stuck feeling that way. There’s a difference between […]

When People Around You Start to Die…

I recently had lunch with a friend, a man in his early seventies.  He told me that many people from his high school class had either died or were very sick.  He was shocked at the suddenness and “overwhelmingness” of it all.  I want to use the example of his situation to make some suggestions […]

Being Yourself in the Marriage

Marriage is about becoming one with your partner. Yet, at the same time, still being yourself. This can be a delicate balance at times when trying to stay true to who you are, without feeling like you are just living out your partner’s hopes and dreams. People who eventually have a “mid-life crisis” do so […]

You Don’t Have To Be Polite All The Time

In some marriages, people act very nice and polite all the time. It actually isn’t healthy. Your spouse should be the person that you can show your anger, frustration, sadness, and irrationality to, and they’ll still love you. As children, we learn the importance of being polite. And this usually serves us well. When you […]

Some Warning Notes About Teens, Alcohol, Drugs, and Meds

A recent tragedy where we live has prompted me to write this post.  A 14- year-old “A” student, a model teenager, had a sleepover at her house with friends just like her.  It seems she brought out some alcohol and they all drank.  All got sick.  She died. You must talk with your teens, especially a […]

Creating a Financial Partnership

In any marriage, money can be a big source of stress. It is important for financial decisions to be made as a partnership between both people. In unhealthy relationships, money can be used as a way to control or abuse the other person. Healthy marriages allow both people to benefit from financial arrangements. Each person […]

Some More on Sexual Issues

I recently received a response to a post I made about sexual problems.  Rather than answer that specific response, I’d like to use the opportunity to address the issues that post and other people’s issues raise.  Sex is a big part of one’s relationship and so here are some suggestions: If you and your partner […]

Using a Marital Crisis as an Opportunity

Many couples find themselves at the point of a marital crisis at some time during the marriage. Perhaps an affair is discovered. Or maybe the couple has separated. Or maybe things have dissolved to the point that neither partner is putting in any effort. Or maybe they have started talking about divorce and have contacted […]

Is Your Spouse Your Confidante?

Is your spouse the person that you tell everything to? Or do you find that you tend to confide more in your best friend or a family member? Keeping secrets from your spouse is harmful to the relationship. It conveys a lack of trust and can cause people to feel hurt and betrayed. If you find […]

Safeguarding Your Marriage Against an Affair

Most people who have affairs don’t ever set out looking for one. There are a few exceptions, of course, where married people do use the internet and other sources to seek out opportunities to have an affair. However, for the vast majority, affairs start out slowly and unintentionally. Affairs often begin as a “friendship.” Maybe […]

Picking the Right Pet for Your Child

Your child or your children are pushing for a pet.  How do you go about choosing the right pet?  Here are some suggestions: There are a lot of first questions. How old is your child?  Children? What does your child want? How big is your house or apartment?  Are there any housing restrictions? Can you […]

Dealing With Emotions To Avoid An Explosion

Ever had a bad day at work? And then when you come home you take it out on your family? Maybe you had a lot of work to do and not enough time, and then a co-worker was rude to you. When you arrived home, your spouse left her shoes in the middle of the […]

Is Love Enough to Make a Marriage Work?

Many songs and Hollywood movies portray couples who overcome any obstacles in life because they love one another. However, in reality, love alone cannot make two people happily married for life. There are lots of other things that must go into a relationship to make it work over the long term. Compatibility is very important […]

After the Split or Divorce…

You just split up.  Aside from financial concerns, children, pets, houses, or plants, and who gets the friends, what can you expect?  How should you behave?  What should you do?  Here are some suggestions. You should expect a certain amount of personal chaos.  You’ve had your life changed and your routines disrupted.  You should expect […]

Learning How to Love

Children learn about love by watching their caregivers as they grow. They witness their parents’ relationships with one another and with other people. They see how each person treats each other and how they react. Children who see a parent yell, lie, and become easily angered, learn those behaviors. Many people strive to have a […]

Mindfulness Skills can Improve Your Relationship

  Most people think that multi-tasking is a good thing. We live in a society where we value productivity. Don’t waste any time – ever. Instead, be as busy as you can. Unfortunately, this mindset actually can cause people to be less productive and causes them to miss out on the present moment.   How […]

Think Before You Get a (New) Pet

What will a pet or an additional new pet do to your family or relationship?  Will it create extra demands or throw everyone and everything off?  Will it upset your existing children or pets?  Let’s talk about what a pet can do and what you should think about in choosing a pet. First, I want […]

Organize Your House and Improve Your Relationship

Can cleaning the house really improve your marriage? In many cases, it can. Do you ever find that you and your spouse argue about misplaced items? Do you ever accuse your spouse of throwing away important items or documents? Do you feel like you waste a lot of time looking for things? For some couples, […]

Difficulty Saying No

Do you or your spouse have difficulty saying no to people? Sometimes people strive to be people pleasers. They spend their evenings and weekends helping others and staying busy. This can take a toll on the marriage. Maybe you feel like you can’t decline an invitation even when you don’t want to go. Or maybe […]