The Marriage Counseling Blog

Building trust takes time; however, losing trust only takes an instant. It is important to work on continually building trust in the marriage in order to have a healthy, happy relationship. If you’ve ever lost trust, re-building it takes time and energy. Learn how to build lasting trust in your relationship.

1. Spend Quality Time Together

Spending quality time together can help you grow together as a couple. It can help you nurture a loving, trusting bond. View the time you spend together as an investment into your marriage. The more quality time you spend together, the more opportunities you have to grow together as a couple.

Learning about one another can help you build trust. Spending time together provides an opportunity to overcome challenges, express your feelings, and share your goals and dreams.

Find leisure time activities you and your spouse can do together. Be willing to try new things and consider trying things that may be out of the ordinary for you. Challenging yourself to do new things can help you grow together as a couple.

2. Be a Person of Your Word

In order to build trust, you need to show you are a person of your word. This is true right down to those little things in life. For example, if you say you’ll be home in ten minutes, you need to arrive home in ten minutes. If you say you’ll meet for dinner at 7:00, it’s important to show up on time. Showing you are reliable is very important in building trust.

Doing what you say you will also shows you are dependable. If you tell your neighbor you’ll help him with a project on Saturday afternoon, follow through it with it. Show your spouse that you follow through with your promises.

3. Practice What You Preach

If you practice what you preach, you’ll show your spouse that you live according to your values. If you tell people you value your family, spend time with them. If you claim to care about your health, live a healthy lifestyle.

If you are living your life in an authentic way, others will naturally trust you much more. If you behave like a hypocrite, others, including your spouse, will see right through it quickly. Show you are trustworthy by having enough confidence in yourself to live your life according to your core beliefs.

4. Own Up to Your Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes in life. How you handle your mistakes will make a big difference in your marriage. Own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for your behavior and it will go a long way to earning trust.

If you make excuses for your behaviors or try to always blame someone else, it can be hard for your spouse to trust you. After all, if mistakes aren’t your fault, what’s stopping you from doing hurtful things? Accepting responsibility for your behaviors, even when you are ashamed, says a lot about your character.

When you’ve done wrong, it is important to be honest. Tell the truth. Apologize and seek forgiveness. However, it’s important to make sure you are truly sorry for your behaviors, and not just sorry you got caught.

5. Treating Your Spouse the Way You Want to Be Treated

Building trust requires that you and your spouse feel safe talking about your feelings. In order to build this emotional intimacy, you need to treat your spouse in a loving, respectful manner. Live by the golden rule and treat your spouse like you want to be treated and it will go a long way to building a loving, trusting marriage.

It is important to show that you care about your spouse’s feelings. Showing empathy, compassion, and a desire to listen is imperative when building trust. Without this basic level of support, it’s unlikely your spouse will feel comfortable opening up to you.

A willingness to put your spouse’s needs first is also part of building trust. Show your spouse that you can be counted on when the going gets tough. This is true with little things, such as delivering some chicken noodle soup when your spouse is sick. Showing a willingness to care for your spouse and make sacrifices shows dedication and loyalty which help build trust.

What to Do When Trust is Lost

If an indiscretion or problem has led to the trust being lost in the marriage, it is important to begin the process of re-building it. It takes time and patience to work on rebuilding lost trust. Unfortunately, many people struggle to be patient enough to rebuild it after it is gone.

Consider counseling if you trust a problem in your marriage. If you’ve suffered a loss or hurt, such as those caused by an affair, rebuilding trust is vital to saving the marriage. Marriage counseling can be a vital component in helping you rebuild a loving, trusting relationship.