Is Your Spouse Your Confidante?
Is your spouse the person that you tell everything to? Or do you find that you tend to confide more in your best friend or a family member? Keeping secrets from your spouse is harmful to the relationship. It conveys a lack of trust and can cause people to feel hurt and betrayed. If you find yourself not confiding in your spouse, consider the reason why.
It may be that your intentions are good. Perhaps you don’t want to hurt her feelings. Or maybe you don’t want him to become stressed. Or maybe you don’t want him to get mad and yell. Or perhaps she always nags you and you aren’t in the mood to hear the lecture. So you don’t share the information.
If you aren’t sharing information due to your spouse’s reaction, it is important to work on your communication skills with your spouse. Learning how to speak up to your spouse to say, “I don’t like it when you nag me,” can be another way to stop the behaviors that you may be trying to avoid.
Maybe you don’t share information with your spouse because of your feelings. Perhaps you feel embarrassed, scared, or ashamed. Perhaps you quit smoking six months ago but have secretly picked up the habit again and you hide it from your spouse. Or maybe you have agreed not to spend much money but you went out shopping and are ashamed at your behaviors. Keeping secrets doesn’t cure shame. Instead, it will only make the problems worse.
If you aren’t sharing information because you feel like it just isn’t “worth the trouble,” that can be a warning sign that the marriage is in trouble. Maybe you think it will require too much effort or it may entail a long discussion, so you just don’t bother. This sort of communication breakdown can lead to many other marital problems.
If you aren’t sharing information with your spouse, consider whether your efforts are to spare your feelings or your spouse’s feelings. Also think about what would likely happen if you did share. Find ways to resolve the associated problems. Having an open and honest relationship with your spouse is important to the health of your marriage.
