The Marriage Counseling Blog

One of the problems with divorce is that by the time someone gets around to doing it, they’ve usually spent a lot of time thinking about it. Depending on the relationship issues, they may have been thinking about it silently or they may have threatened it frequently. Although it is good to think through major decisions in life, it can be dangerous to daydream about divorce. If you think about it too much, you might talk yourself into it.

Fantasizing about Divorce can Make Being Single Seem Tempting

When the going gets tough some people start thinking about the fastest way out. When marital problems arise, many people imagine that all their problems would go away if they were single. “If I were divorced I wouldn’t have to put up with this,” can make it sound like a tempting option.

Many people stop focusing on what they would be giving up and losing if they get divorced and start imagining what they could gain. However, their thoughts about what life might be like after divorce may be grossly exaggerated. Sometimes people think that being single means lots of freedom, hot dates again, and true happiness.

However, divorce creates more problems that people forget about. Financial problems, loneliness, and chaos are a few problems that can arise from divorce. Not to mention, a lot of added strain if children are involved.

However, many people don’t really spend time thinking about the realities of divorce. Instead, they daydream about it. They put being single up on a pedestal and imagine how great life would be without the responsibilities of marriage.

 Threatening Divorce Causes More Problems

Putting extra energy into thinking about divorce can lead to threats of divorce. Then, when the going gets tough the “D” word becomes like a weapon. It can be used as a manipulative tool. It says to your spouse “Do what I want or I’m leaving.”

Threats of divorce can really wear down a marriage in a short period of time. Working together to prevent divorce is important. However, trying to gain compliance from your partner out of fear isn’t an effective strategy.

Threatening divorce also tends to be a way to avoid solving problems. Why work through a problem if you don’t have to? Threatening divorce is a quick way to change the subject or end a discussion.

It actually can be helpful to talk to your spouse about divorce. Instead of threatening it, it is important to calmly talk to your partner about the marriage. If you have been considering divorce, don’t ignore problems while secretly fantasizing about your escape. Instead, talk with your spouse about the marriage and how to prevent divorce.

Daydreaming about Divorce Puts Energy in the Wrong Place

If you spend time and energy thinking about divorce, it means you aren’t thinking as much about improving your marriage. If you are considering divorce, it’s likely your marriage is at a crisis point. This is when your relationship needs all your energy and attention.

Daydreaming about divorce will prevent you from putting all your energy into working on the marriage. It makes it difficult to resolve conflict, concentrate on what you could be doing differently, and focusing on your partner. It takes a lot of effort and a tremendous amount of desire to work on the marriage if you are struggling.

Focusing on the Negative

If you spend a lot of time thinking about divorce, it’s likely that you are focusing on the negative. You may be looking for reassurance that you should be getting divorced. This can make the problems you have in your marriage seem exaggerated. It can cause you to ruminate on all the things your partner does that cause you to feel irritated and angry.

It will interfere with your ability to notice what is going well with your marriage. You’ll likely overlook positive things that happen or evidence that you should save your marriage. Focusing on divorce will cloud your judgment about your relationship, making it difficult to make a sound decision about your marriage.

Seek Professional Help

If you are considering divorce, it can be very helpful to seek marriage counseling as soon as possible. Unfortunately, many people wait until they have already made up their mind. Then, they spend their marriage counseling sessions trying to convince the counselor that they should get divorced. This isn’t helpful and you don’t need permission from a counselor to get divorced if that is what you really want to do.

However, it is important to ensure that you have truly thought through everything before you jump ship. The realities of divorce may be quite different from what you imagine. If you do decide to end the marriage, you’ll want to know that you sincerely tried to save the marriage first. If you spend all your time daydreaming about divorce, you won’t be able to give your marriage a fair try.