The Marriage Counseling Blog

As I have written before, I am both an anthropologist and clinical psychologist.  In my latter role, one of the populations with whom I work is children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Over the years I have noticed that a child who has Asperger’s Syndrome can be “finicky” when s/he eats.  In this post, I want to alert our general audience to this issue.  Before I do so, however, I want to make it very clear  that I am not taking any position whatsoever that diet causes Asperger’s or Autism Spectrum disorder or that diet can “cure” or help “cure” this condition.  If you are interested in this question, you should do your own searches, being very careful to make sure that the sources are reliable and the science credible.

Lots of children can be finicky eaters and not have Asperger’s.  Conversely, lots of “Aspies” can eat all kinds of foods.  What I’ve noticed is that many Asperger’s children can react extremely to some textures, smells, tastes, and some ingredients.  One seven year old I treat endlessly eats macaroni and cheese—and only a certain brand.  Another really, really, enjoys peanut butter.  Many don’t like fruits and vegetables.  Others don’t like milk products or gluten-filled products.  The websites listed below can give you some additional ideas about these sensitivities. Read the rest of this article »

People who have never attending counseling may have some misconceptions about what counseling is. Television shows and movies often portray the Hollywood version of counseling, which is often not accurate. Learning about what counseling is and how it can help can alleviate the anxiety some people experience when considering either individual or couple’s counseling.

Counseling can’t help my marriage if my spouse refuses to attend

If you are experiencing marital problems and your spouse refuses to attend counseling with you, it can be very beneficial for you to attend counseling by yourself. In fact, sometimes couples counseling isn’t appropriate and individual counseling can be just as helpful. If your spouse isn’t interested in attending counseling, dragging your spouse to a session probably will not turn out well. In order to benefit from counseling, a person must be motivated to make change and willing to participate. Therefore, there are changes you can make individually that can still help your marriage. Read the rest of this article »

Your spouse is miserable. Maybe now is the time to be a giver.

Maurice came in silently. There was no, “Hello! How are you? How was your day?” He brought a chill into the house without a word. He carefully stamped the snow off his boots, then he just as carefully arranged them by the door and hung up his coat. He seemed to be delaying the inevitable face-to-face encounter with his wife, the questions that would follow. Read the rest of this article »

Source: http://drdeb.com/blog/video/putting-sex-pedestal

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The internet provides people with endless possibilities that can be helpful or harmful to a marriage depending on how it used. People often behave differently online than they do in real life and the internet provides people with the opportunity to engage in many behaviors that can be harmful to a marriage. It’s important to examine whether or not the internet may be impacting your relationship.

Addiction

People can develop an addiction to the internet. An internet addiction can develop similarly to other addictions in life and can be very serious. An addiction to the internet isn’t defined by spending a certain number of hours online each week. Instead, it depends on problems that your online activity causes. Read the rest of this article »

Sometimes people think that their marriage is immune to an affair. However, when people assume that they would never cheat or that their partner would never cheat, their marriage is actually more vulnerable than ever. It is important to take pro-active steps to help safeguard your marriage from an affair.

What Research Says About Infidelity

Research has shown that infidelity is on the rise. The percentage of just how many people have become involved in an affair varies from study to study. One of the main problems with gathering this data is the fact that many people don’t want to admit that they’ve cheated. So depending on the study, the statistics are slightly different. Read the rest of this article »

In my last post, I pointed out resources for diagnosis and support if your child has Asperger’s Syndrome.  I would like to address some other concerns parents and kids have raised.  In sum, the future is good and reassuring!

One concern parents have is this: Can my child learn how others view the world?  The answer is–yes!

People with Asperger’s are seen as often only thinking in terms of themselves and not able to understand how others think—and feel.  When I work with kids, I provide them with a face expression chart.  I ask them to point to how they feel and we explore their feelings and why they may feel that way.  Parents can help their child with similar exercises.  One client of mine years ago took an acting class. When I asked him why, he said: “I want to try on other people’s feelings.” Read the rest of this article »

In the last few years, there has been an increase in the recognition of and treatment of Asperger’s syndrome. I work with many children and adults who have Asperger’s Syndrome. I want to share some thoughts and resources for parents. In later posts, I will address the strengths and great future prospects for people with Asperger’s Syndrome.

You should always watch your child carefully and take her or him to the pediatrician as a newborn and then toddler. Asperger’s symptoms may appear early in terms of lack of usual emotional expressions, an unwillingness to look a person in the face, developmental delays in speech, insensitive, or at the other extreme, very sensitive to touch, and so on.  Your pediatrician should be able to spot these issues and raise the possibility of Asperger’s.  What your doctor should then do is to refer your child for further assessment.  There may be other issues going on.  You and your partner should also see a therapist as well during this period, one who is familiar with Asperger’s and other developmental issues. Read the rest of this article »

Sometimes couples make jokes about their inability to work together successfully on projects, especially home improvement projects. However, looking at how you work together on smaller projects can offer you some valuable insight into the overall strengths and weaknesses in your marriage. How you deal with small problems in life often reflects how you handle the bigger picture.

Teamwork

Home improvement projects test your ability to work together as a team.  Do you try and share the workload? Can you take direction from your partner?  Can your partner count on you to do what is asked? Read the rest of this article »

Creating lasting changes to improve the health of your marriage requires hard work and dedication. Sadly, many people say they will change but do not make the commitment to follow through with what is needed to sustain the changes. Developing a real plan before jumping into making a change is important.

Determining What Changes You Want to Make

People usually don’t spend enough time reflecting on what changes they could make to improve their relationship. Taking time out to examine your behaviors can be very beneficial.  Are there certain things that you want to do more of? Are there behaviors you want to stop doing? Are there things that you do that are threatening the success of your marriage? Read the rest of this article »

Your attitude about your marriage makes a big difference in your overall happiness and satisfaction with life. The way you feel about the state of your relationship will determine how you treat your spouse, how you interpret your spouse’s actions, and how much effort you put into the relationship. The conclusions you develop about your marriage may not be completely accurate. Your attitude may cause you to have a slightly skewed view of your relationship as you try to support your conclusion and rule out contrary evidence.

Drawing Conclusions

We take in a lot of information everyday. We try to make sense out of the information we take in by categorizing and drawing some sort of conclusion. We do this we many things that we encounter, including relationships. For example, you could probably create a list of nice co-workers and co-workers that you wished you didn’t work with based on the information you have about them. Although you might not have ever made such lists, you could probably do so without too much effort based on your knowledge and past experiences. Read the rest of this article »

Often, when people feel like their needs aren’t being met in the marriage, they stop focusing on meeting their spouse’s needs. This can lead to even bigger marital problems. Sometimes people begin to behave in ways that continue to damage the relationship, such as lying or nagging. It’s important to take notice of your own behaviors and how you treat your spouse when you feel like your needs are not being met.

Not Feeling Loved

When people don’t feel loved by their spouse it can cause them to change how they treat their spouse. Focusing on not feeling loved by your spouse isn’t likely to fix the situation. It’s quite likely that if you aren’t feeling loved, you aren’t treating your spouse in a loving way either. Focusing on ensuring your spouse feels loved may help initiate Read the rest of this article »

When your spouse does something that you don’t agree with, that hurts your feelings or that worries you, how you express your concern makes a big difference. There are lots of different messages you can offer to your spouse to express your concern. Finding strategies to reduce the likelihood that your spouse will become defensive is important.

Using “I” messages is a good way to start a conversation. Start the conversation in a positive way and invite your spouse to participate in a discussion with you. Identify what you are concerned about and who you are concerned about.  Read the rest of this article »

Counseling can help couples dealing with a variety of parenting issues. The stress of raising children can be detrimental to a marriage if the couple struggles with parenting issues. Couples counseling can assist parents in working together and growing closer as they raise their children.

Counseling Before Having a Child

Just like some couples receive pre-marital counseling, pre-baby counseling can also be helpful. Counseling can help a couple clarify their expectations about becoming parents. They can sort out practical issues about what roles each parent will take after the baby is born. Read the rest of this article »

Listen to songs played on the radio about love. Watch some movies about love. Then read some romance novels. What sort of messages would you receive about love and relationships? There’s all sorts of fairy tale images that surface in pop culture.

There are lots of myths about love. Society and culture tend to reinforce these myths. This can make people doubt their real life relationships when love doesn’t feel like it’s full of rainbows and rose petals all the time. A reality check about love can help people keep a level-headed view of their real-life romance. Read the rest of this article »

It takes courage to behave assertively in your marriage. Sometimes people don’t really know what it means to be assertive. Other times, people have never really tried to be assertive and it feels awkward or uncomfortable. Learning how to be truthful about how you feel can have a positive impact on your marriage.

What it Means to be Assertive

Behaving assertively doesn’t mean you have to be rude or aggressive. It also doesn’t mean you have to be demanding. Instead, it requires you to notice how you feel and point it out to your partner. Assertive behaviors communicate what you want and need in a direct manner. Read the rest of this article »

A while back I wrote a couple of posts about getting cheap or free toys and activities for your kids.  I said I would talk about the issue of girl toys v. boy toys.

So here are some thoughts.
Read the rest of this article »

In today’s fast-paced society, many people feel like they thrive on multi-tasking. People text while talking to others in a busy restaurant, clean the house while talking on the phone, and have multiple screens open on their computer so they can pay bills and catch up on social media all at the same time. This fast-paced lifestyle has some consequences that can negatively impact your marriage.

What Is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a skill that allows people to “just be.” It is related to meditation. Mindfulness helps people to pay attention to the present without passing judgment. It takes practice and perseverance to learn and practice this skill. It can be very helpful in improving the quality of your marriage. Read the rest of this article »

Many couples run their marriage like a business. They discuss the bills, the kids, and the day to day operations of the house. They may struggle to keep things in check or they may operate like a well-oiled machine. Either way, they may like quality communication with one another.

How often do you and your spouse discuss your feelings? When is the last time you talked about your hopes and dreams? Are you comfortable sharing about your childhood, bad memories, hurt feelings, and embarrassments? Quality communication involves more than just discussing the day to day operations. Read the rest of this article »

Sometimes a person’s desire to get their spouse to change becomes detrimental to the relationship. There are times that it makes sense to simply accept your spouse for who he is at this present time. This doesn’t mean that you have to give up hope that things will ever be different. Instead, it means that for today, you’ll accept your spouse’s characteristics, habits, and behaviors.

Acceptance does not mean that you have to accept being treated poorly or unjustly. There are situations and behaviors that just may be unacceptable and you may want to address them in other ways. However, there may be some other behaviors and personality characteristics that you see in your partner that you decide to just simply accept. Read the rest of this article »