The Marriage Counseling Blog

This is always a timely question, but particularly around the holiday season.  We will be going over to the houses of family and friends.  Somebody may be there who has hurt us deeply.  Should we let bygones be bygones, should we not go, or should we confront them?  These are some thoughts.

Not everyone is a saint.  Not everyone has the ability to forgive someone who has deeply hurt them from the past.  The question is this:  Is this all you think about?  Is your anger getting in your way?  Do you know why you can’t stop thinking about what had happened?

If you can’t stop thinking about it and you don’t know why you can’t, you should see a therapist.  It’s not good to be blocked and frustrated and you shouldn’t be all alone on this one. Your therapist can help you figure out why you’re stuck and give you some techniques to help deal with the blockage.

But if you’re not blocked and you have “moved on,” you can choose to remember what happened and let it not burn a hole in your heart.  You don’t have to forgive the person.  You need to understand what the person has done to you and why your life may have been changed.  Perhaps some day you can let go and forgive, but the important thing for you is to free yourself from not moving on.  Don’t live with the events haunting you—it’s still your life!