The Marriage Counseling Blog

Conflict is all around us all the time. No marriage is devoid of conflict, although some marriages seem to have more conflict situations than others. If conflict is getting out of hand, there are several things you can do to calm those waters. As a couple, it’s often a good idea to discuss these and agree to use them if things are getting out of hand. Here are five actions that you can use today.

• Breathing – This has been around for years so you probably know the routine: Three deep breaths, in through the nose, and slowly out through the mouth. Go to a window and watch the outside world while you’re doing it – very calming.
• Water – Slowly drink a glass of cold water – the smart way is for both you and your partner to drink a glass of water one at a time. By they time you are both finished you will have forgotten most of the conflict.
• Exercise – Go for a run. Get rid of any frustrations by running or some other form of exercise.
• Shower – Take a short shower. A shower gives you time alone to contemplate. Whatever you do, don’t stew over the problem while in the shower. Use the time for constructive thought – or no thought at all.
• Tantrum – Yes, tantrum – pretend you’re a two year old, stamp your feet, shake your head and hands, and scream and shout. Don’t let the neighbors see you; they may have you committed. Don’t let your two year old see you; they’ll tell you your doing wrong. Do it with your partner – guaranteed, you’ll both be laughing on the floor afterwards – all tension gone.

Five simple activities, yet in any relationship where conflict is brewing they can work wonders to steady everyone down. Be sure to do one of those with your partner, you will find it difficult to pick up the argument and get it going again; instead, you can sensibly talk through the issues. Self help often works. Give those techniques a try sometime.