The Marriage Counseling Blog

Problems that Contribute to a Sexless Marriage

Many books and articles have been published recently about the “sexless marriage.” It seems some couples have just accepted that there marriage lacks physical intimacy. If a marriage lacks intimacy, the true joys of marriage aren’t able to be reached.

Many couples experience sexual problems at one time or another. Often, one partner has a higher sex drive and may feel their sexual desires are not being met. However, some couples just stop all sexual activity and live more like roommates rather than lovers.

A lack of sexual activity is often a symptom of another problem, rather than the problem itself. Therefore, when the underlying issues are addressed, a couple’s sex life can return to normal. It’s important to examine the underlying reasons for lack of sexual activity so that you can enjoy a healthy sex life again.

Physical Health Problems

A variety of physical health problems can interfere with libido and performance. If you haven’t had a physical exam by your primary care doctor lately, it is important to schedule an appointment to rule out any physical health issues that may be a factor. Health problems, such as diabetes or thyroid problems may result in sexual problems.

Mental Health Problems

If there aren’t any physical health issues contributing to sexual problems, consider mental health issues. Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety can definitely impact a person’s sexual desire. Also, for people already being treated for mental health issues, the side effect of many medications can interfere with libido. It can be helpful to talk to your doctor or therapist to discuss your options if mental health problems are interfering.

Past Trauma

People who have a history of abuse may struggle with sexual problems. However, other forms of trauma can also interfere with a person’s sex life as well. For example, a person who has been traumatized by an accident or a person who has been exposed to war may struggle with sexual problems. Treatment for issues related to past trauma often includes a combination of medication and therapy.

Lack of Communication

Communication problems can interfere with a person’s sex life. Sometimes, couples just aren’t comfortable talking about sex. When problems arise, they aren’t discussed and they just stop having sex. If communication about sex is a barrier, it is important to learn how to talk about it so you can work together. Sexual problems are never one person’s “fault.” Instead, it is an obstacle that can be addressed with some teamwork.

Lack of Emotional Intimacy

Lack of emotional intimacy can definitely interfere with physical intimacy. If you aren’t feeling safe, connected, and supported, it’s likely that your sex life will suffer. When couples bicker constantly, grow distant, or don’t enjoy one another’s company, their sex life is likely to become non-existent.

Sometimes couples who don’t resolve past hurts carry around hurt and resentment. Past hurts about infidelity or anger about misunderstandings build if they aren’t properly addressed. A couple’s sex life will not improve until these underlying issues are addressed. It’s important to learn how to nurture your relationship and improve your emotional intimacy because lack of sexual activity is likely to contribute to more feelings of anger and hostility if you don’t resolve these issues.

Not Feeling Attracted Sexually to Your Spouse

Sometimes people just don’t feel attracted to their spouse and don’t want to have sex. It’s actually quite natural to have times throughout your relationship where you experience less attraction to one another. There is a natural ebb and flow of feelings throughout a healthy relationship. However, not engaging in sexual activity is not going to help. It’s important to meet your partner’s needs and withholding sex because you don’t feel like it isn’t healthy for your marriage.

Marriage Counseling to Address Sexual Problems

If you experience a lack of sexual desire, it is important to get help. Don’t just assume that your partner doesn’t mind or also doesn’t want to have a sexual relationship. Instead, learn what you can do to take steps to improve your libido.

If your partner struggles with sexual problems, talk about it in a non-blaming way. It is important to talk about your needs and how to get them met. If both of you seem to struggle with sexual desire, don’t shy away from talking about. Instead, try to initiate a conversation and invite your partner to discuss it.

Many couples don’t want to address their sexual problems with a professional. For some people the idea of talking with a stranger about the intimate details of their sex life just feels too embarrassing. However, professional counselors are able to help you feel comfortable and discuss sexual issues in a matter of fact way that can make most people feel at ease.

For other people, seeking help requires them to admit they have a problem. This can be difficult. However, ignoring sexual problems will only make them worse. If you aren’t satisfied with your sex life, consider seeking help. Talking to a professional can’t hurt and it may be helpful in restoring your sex life and improving your marriage.