Archive for October, 2011

When Psychological Problems Interfere with the Marriage

Having a healthy and happy marriage can be more difficult when there are psychological problems interfering. There’s a variety of psychological problems, ranging from mild to severe, that can cause increased stress to the relationship. Learning how to deal with those psychological problems is important. Psychological problems that can impact a relationship may include a […]

Don’t Take All Your Spouse’s Behaviors Personally

Sometimes your spouse’s behaviors have nothing to do with you. He’s not just doing that thing you hate to try and make you mad on purpose. He’s not putting conscious effort into ruining your day. In fact, he’s probably not even thinking about those things that drive you crazy at all. But for you, that’s […]

Divorce Risk Factors

Studies have shown that there are some risk factors that can increase the likelihood that a marital couple will divorce. Some of them cannot be changed. Other risk factors, can be changed if the couple decides to address them together and improve their marriage. Ignoring problems does not make them go away. Many couples do […]

Behaviors Change but Personalities Remain

Sometimes people have unrealistic expectations about the changes their partner is going to make. Even if your partner agrees to make some behavioral changes, his personality is going to change. Our personalities are fairly well cemented by the time most people get married. Despite attempts to nag, punish, or beg, his personality is going to […]

Listening Non-Defensively

Listening is an important skill for any marriage. Truly listening to your partner requires you to pay close attention to what they are saying without focusing on what you are thinking. This can be very difficult if your feelings are hurt, you disagree with what your partner is saying, or you are angry. Learning how […]

Can a Separation Be Helpful to a Struggling Marriage?

Many couples who are struggling with marital issues ask, “Would it be helpful if we separated?” The answer depends on the nature of the problems as well as the plan for the separation. Unfortunately, most separations occur as a stepping stone to divorce. A separation may make sense in some circumstances. For example, if your […]

Focus on Managing Your Own Emotions and Behaviors, Even When Your Partner Isn’t

When your partner is out of line with his behaviors, it is important to focus on managing yourself. When your partner’s anger or behaviors escalate, your reaction can either fuel the fire or not. Learning how to keep your emotions and behaviors in check is important to a healthy marriage. How do you handle your […]

When A Pet Dies…

One of my clients told me recently:  “My girlfriend’s cat died.  She had to put it down.  Both of us couldn’t be there.  But that was a couple of days ago.  And she’s still going on…”  That got me thinking:  how should you and your close ones handle the death of a pet?  Here are […]

What is Co-Dependency?

There’s a lot of confusion about what makes someone co-dependent. In the past, co-dependency was mostly discussed in the context of alcohol. But we know now that you don’t need to be married to an alcoholic in order to be co-dependent. Although there are a lot of definitions of co-dependency, the basic meaning is that […]

Communicate About What You Can Do, Not What You Can’t

How you communicate your message makes a big difference. Communicating clearly and offering solutions is much more likely to elicit a positive response from your partner. Learning how to communicate what you can do, not what you cannot, is likely to be much more helpful in your marriage. Serena and Roy often argued about how […]

The Negative Impact of Avoidance

Avoidance can be detrimental to a marriage. A couple may avoid many things within the relationship that cause problems. They may avoid addressing serious issues, avoid working together, or may even avoid one another’s company. If your marriage seems to be avoidant, it is important to address these issues as soon as possible. Do you […]