Counseling Can Help You Recover From A Traumatic Divorce
While much of our focus on this blog is on saving marriages, sometimes a marriage is just not salvageable. The end result is the divorce courts, and while most divorces can be worked out amicably, there are times when issues lead to quite a traumatic experience. This is particularly true when violence, alcohol, drugs and/or illegal activities have been involved.
How does one partner pick up the pieces, especially if there are children involved, and restart their lives. Post traumatic stress can be present in these cases and may require skilled counseling and perhaps even medical intervention. Unfortunately, there are many individuals who don’t show any outward signs of stress or discomfort, yet inside they are troubled and struggling to cope. These are the individuals who are prepared to put on a brave face no matter what.
While marriage counseling is obviously designed to help couples repair their marriage, it can also be useful for those needing help following a divorce. The issues are still related to relationships; in this case, the failure of a relationship. Counseling for children should also be considered, especially where violence has been a serious issue, or where visitation with the other parent has been severely limited.
If you know someone who has been through a particularly difficult divorce, try to look beyond the tough exterior they may be displaying. If you feel they are struggling to cope, suggest they talk to a counselor sooner rather than later. If you have been through a difficult divorce, ask yourself if you can really continue without talking to someone – sometimes, that’s it all takes – talking to someone.
It is a good thing to include divorce as one of the options in marriage counseling.
Why should a couple stay together for the rest of their life if they want to continue on a different path?
In our culture, we believe that separation or divorce is a bad thing.
If it is discussed as another positive option in marriage counseling, couples will accept a divorce easier when they do. That will also be beneficial for the children of divorce, because if the parents accept the new situation, the children will do that more easily too.
I totally agree-“talking it through” is one of the key elements of working through the strong emotions experienced after a relationship end. It is very important to understand that “getting over” a relationship is a “process”. It is unique for everyone and the recovery time is also different for everyone. One of the key factors in a “healthy” recovery from a relationship break up is to try and “resolve” the issues and emotions associated with the break up- easier said than done i know! However if these emotions remain unchallenged it may lead to depression and a tendancy to withdrawl from society.Separated people on this “path” often stay here for many years and the problems, issues and emotions surrounding the relationship breakdown may stay with them the rest of their life if not addressed.The good news is that we can get “resolution” to these strong feelings through journalling (as suggested above),talking it through and exploring the emotions with a skilled counsellor or trusted friend,working on our understanding and acceptance of what has happened , learning to really relax and building or self esteem. Sounds like hard work? Yes, maybe it is . But there is a real joy in being happily single again, and choosing to move into a new relationship (or not to). Doing this”work” (its kind of fun often and very satisfying!) will also lessen the risk of making relationship “mistakes” in the future.There are plenty of excellent support groups , counsellors and resources available to help you.