The Marriage Counseling Blog

If you want to improve your marriage, you don’t necessarily need to sit down and have lengthy conversations about what is working and what isn’t. In fact, just the thought of discussing relationship troubles can make many people want to run for the hills.

The good news is, you don’t necessarily need to hash out everything. Instead, focus on behaviors that you can change that don’t require a long winded discussion. Making these changes can improve your relationship and help you to focus on the positive without having to talk about it.

1. Have Fun Together

Couples sometimes get stuck in a rut. They do the same thing day in and day out which can get boring. Going to work, caring for children, and keeping up with the household responsibilities sometimes doesn’t leave much time and energy to have fun together a as a couple. However, doing some fun activities together can put a spark back in your marriage.

In fact, the more exciting the activities are the better is for your relationship. Pleasurable activities are good but when couples do activities they both find to be particularly exciting, they tend to rate their relationship as much more exciting as well.

So take up skydiving, start a business together, climb a mountain or do whatever it is that the two of you find to be exciting.  Many couples lose sight of what they even find to be exciting so don’t be afraid to try something new. You may discover you’ve got a hidden talent for the flying trapeze or fundraising for a charity when you give it a shot.

2. Touch Each Other

Physical touch does wonderful things for couples. A gentle squeeze on the arm, kiss on the cheek or a hug before you get out of bed can set the tone for the day. There’s a lot of research out there that suggests physical touch can do a lot for a relationship.

When you behave affectionately, it impacts your feelings. So, hugging and kissing can actually make you feel more loving toward your spouse. So go ahead and hold hands or cuddle up on the couch together and rekindle some loving feelings.

3. Communicate Non-Verbally

Your facial expressions, gestures and non-verbal cues speak volumes. Think about what a mean glare communicates in contrast to a wink and a smile. The way you look at your spouse can certainly be worth a thousand words.

Non-verbal gestures often become a habit and people sometimes aren’t even aware they are doing them. For example, when someone rolls their eyes at their spouse a dozen times a day, they are likely to almost become immune to the fact that they keep doing this. So, be aware of your non-verbal gestures and how they impact your relationship.

Use your non-verbal communication to communicate loving feelings. Offer a smile from across the room. Cut tension with a silly dance. Show your excitement with your face.  Non-verbal gestures play a big role in the overall communication style and by focusing on them, you can learn to change your non-verbal communication for the better.

4. Use the Element of Surprise

Surprises don’t have to be big or expensive. Instead, sometimes just the little things can make a big difference. For example, leave your sweetie a sticky note on the bathroom mirror that says, “I love you,” or send a special text message during the day just to say hello. These little things can help you stay connected even when you’re apart.

Buy each other little surprise gifts on occasion. Even buying your spouse his favorite snack or a cup of his favorite coffee can go a long way to say, “I’m thinking about you.”

Surprises will also keep you from getting stuck in rut. It can help you keep things fresh and exciting. Try to find new ways to surprise your spouse and it will help you stay focused on steps you can take to improve your marriage.

5. Do Something Nice

A random act of kindness shouldn’t be all that random in marriage. It’s important to look for opportunities to do something nice for your spouse every single day.

Look for a chore that can make your spouse’s load a little lighter. Cook dinner, do the dishes or mow the lawn so your spouse doesn’t have to. Let your spouse know that you care and that you are willing to take on this task so he doesn’t have to.

Look for other opportunities to do something nice as well. For example, agree to give in when you want different things. For example, when you can’t decide what to do for the day, tell your spouse you’ll let him pick and you’ll do whatever he wants.

Or take your spouse out for a special date. If you know your wife loves a good romantic movie, take her out on a date.  Be willing to make some sacrifices and focus on making your spouse happy.