The Marriage Counseling Blog

Disagreement in a marriage is inevitable. It’s okay and healthy to disagree on things. If you always agreed on everything, there wouldn’t be much sense in having a mate. Some people fear conflict and avoid arguments at all costs. Accepting that arguments are inevitable can be a healthy part of a marriage.

Arguing isn’t a bad thing. How you both handle yourselves during an argument determines whether the disagreement is going to benefit or damage the relationship. It is important to examine how you conduct yourself during arguments.

Set rules with your partner about how to handle disagreements. Discuss how you will both manage to get your needs met. Discuss how to handle anger. Allow for a break or time out when things become heated.

There are behaviors that can damage a relationship during an argument. Things such as name calling, threatening, and packing your bags to leave can be very hurtful. Competing with your partner and trying to win is not going to result in healthy conflict resolution.

At the end of an argument, it is important to take note of what you have learned. In the best of cases, no one leaves an argument feeling as though they won or lost. Instead, both people have a better understanding of the other person’s point of view.

When you do make a mistake, be willing to apologize. Take responsibility for your behaviors and offer a sincere apology. Be willing to forgive your partner for mistakes as well.

After a big argument, it is important to reconnect. Spend time together loving one another. Do something fun to celebrate your love for one another.

If you and your spouse tend to hurt one another in big arguments frequently, consider therapy. Marriage counseling can help you learn new skills to communicate better, express your feelings safely, and solve problems. It can help you to learn how to argue in a productive way instead of damaging the relationship.