The Marriage Counseling Blog

Many people think, “I’d only be happy if…” When it comes to a marriage, many people place the responsibility for their mood on their spouse. Someone might think their life could be better if things were different. The danger of having these thoughts about your spouse is that it takes away your personal responsibility for making yourself happy.

Have you ever experienced thoughts such as, “I’d be happier if my spouse wasn’t so grumpy.” Or “I’d have a better life if my spouse wasn’t so lazy.” Or perhaps you’ve placed blame with thoughts such as “my spouse’s attitude puts me in a bad mood.” Or maybe you blame your marital problems on your spouse by thinking, “I wouldn’t have to argue so much if it weren’t for my spouse.” Such thoughts are going to make you feel discouraged about your situation. When people experience these types of thoughts it makes them feel hopeless.

Negative thoughts that place the blame for being unhappy on a person’s spouse can make people behave differently. If you think you are unhappy and it is your spouse’s fault, why would you try to make any changes in your life? After all, it won’t do any good if none of the reasons for your unhappiness are because of you.

Take responsibility for your own behaviors, your mood, and your thoughts. Focus on what changes you can make to create a better life for yourself. Consider how you contribute to the problem and focus on making your situation the best it can be without placing blame on your partner. When you start to make changes and feel happier, you will become a better spouse. Happier people make better spouses than disgruntled ones. When you make positive changes and improve yourself, you may see that your partner chooses to make changes as well, resulting in both of you feeling happier.