The Marriage Counseling Blog

When people become emotional, they sometimes overreact. They may behave in ways they normally wouldn’t. Perhaps they behave irrationally or say things that just don’t make much sense. Despite their emotions being high, they still have that voice of reason somewhere in the back of their head. However, people sometimes choose to ignore it.

For example, an argument breaks out between a couple. He states that he is going to be late coming home from work tomorrow. She yells at him and tells him that he should spend more time with her and that he clearly doesn’t care about her. He states that he does care, but has a lot of work to do lately and once he’s finished with his current project he’ll be home at his regular time again.

She becomes so angry with him that he’s not agreeing to come home on time that she starts packing her belongings. She states that she is going to her parents’ house and isn’t sure when or if she’ll be back. As she’s packing, the voice of reason reminds her that they could actually spend the rest of the evening together if she stayed home. Leaving for the night actually means she’ll get less time with him, the one thing she is asking for. Despite this recognition, she has already started packing so she just keeps on filling her suitcase and follows through with going to her parents’ house.

It can be a humbling experience to stop yourself in your tracks when you hear that voice of reason. However, it is important to do so. Listen to it and ask yourself if your behaviors are likely to help or harm the situation. Be willing to approach your partner and acknowledge any wrongdoing. Apologize when you were wrong.

You will likely find that it will help settle disagreements much faster. You will likely cause less damage to the relationship. You will also find that when you start behaving more rationally faster, you’ll think more clearly and become more productive.