Raising Your Voice at Your Spouse 

When an argument becomes heated, do you ever raise your voice? Many people do, but it’s not helpful or healthy. It is important to identify the reason you raise your voice and to learn new techniques that can help you communicate more effectively.

Some people raise their voice because they are talking over their partner. They don’t want to listen to what their partner has to say and they interrupt and talk louder. This is an aggressive means of trying to force the other person to listen. This can be in a controlling manner and is not healthy. People who behave this way can benefit from learning new interpersonal skills.

Sometimes people raise their voice out of anger.  As their emotions rise, so does their voice. This shows a lack of emotion regulation skills. This can be best addressed by the person learning new anger management skills. Techniques such as taking a time out can be helpful. After a time out, a conversation may be able to resume in more a calm and relaxed manner.

Sometimes people yell because they just don’t know how to communicate without yelling. It may be a habit. It may also be a learned behavior. People who grow up in a loud home may become loud adults. Yelling may be a way of communicating no matter what the emotions are. This can be a hard habit to break as people may not even be aware that they are doing it. Learning how to effectively talk without yelling requires some extra effort.

If your partner yells at you, how you respond is going to impact the likelihood of your partner continuing this behavior. If you are in an argument and your partner starts to raise his voice, don’t yell back in retaliation. Instead, point out that you are willing to talk respectfully but aren’t interested in participating if he is going to yell.  Be willing to end the conversation if necessary.

Communicating without yelling, even when you feel angry, is part of treating your spouse in a respectful manner. No one likes to be yelled at and it can damage your relationship in the long-term.  Learning new communication skills can help you respond to your spouse in a healthier way.

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