The Marriage Counseling Blog

There’s a great debate about whether technology improves relationships or harms them. Technological advances are often supposed to make life easier. Social media, cell phones, and computers should make communication simple. However, the reality is, that technology sometimes seems to make people grow further apart rather than grow together. So in an age where technology continuously changes the way we communicate with one another, is it possible that Facebook could actually be helpful to a marriage?

Facebook provides an opportunity to connect with thousands of people instantly. You can immediately share with the world how you feel, what you’re doing, what articles you’re reading, and instant photos. This sort of instant access to the world can either help or hurt your marriage. Learn how you can use Facebook to help your marriage. Read the rest of this article »

Criticism can be very damaging to any relationship, especially a marriage. If you live with a spouse who tends to criticize you frequently, it is important to take a look at your reactions to the criticism. Learning how to respond to criticism in a helpful way can help decrease the damage created by criticism.

Managing Your Reaction

How you react when your spouse criticizes will make a big difference in how damaging the criticism is to your marriage. If you lash out, call your spouse names, or try to hurt your spouse back, it will only further damage the marriage. It is important to learn to manage your emotional response. Read the rest of this article »

Substance abuse problems can tear a marriage apart very quickly. Being married to someone who has an addiction can be draining. Learning how to respond to your spouse’s addiction can help you heal yourself as well as your marriage.

Whether your spouse is struggling with alcohol, prescription drugs, or illegal drugs, your marriage is at a very high risk of divorce. In fact, the non-addicted spouse is at risk of developing some bad habits as well. Among them are poor communication patterns, poor problem-solving skills, and anger management issues. Couples dealing with substance abuse issues are at risk of having difficulty conceiving and parenting children, managing finances, and managing mental health issues. Read the rest of this article »

People often focus on what they are getting out of their marriage, rather than what they are giving to it. This seems to be especially true when people feel like they are not getting what they want out of the relationship. It can be helpful to spend more energy focusing on what you are giving rather than worrying that you aren’t getting enough.

Your Expectations of What You Think You Should Be Getting

If you feel like your needs are not being met, it’s important to examine your expectations. What had you thought you would gain from the relationship? What did you think your partner would be doing that isn’t happening? Read the rest of this article »

Learning how to look at things from your spouse’s point of view can greatly improve your marriage. Trying to see things through your spouse’s eyes can help reduce conflict, increase your compassion toward one another, and improve your communication. It takes practice however, to try and step back and recognize what your spouse may be feeling.

Notice Your Own Feelings and Point of View

When you have a strong reaction to an event or your partner’s behaviors, take some time to recognize what is causing your emotional reaction. Do you feel disrespected? Are you frustrated? Are your feelings hurt? Really examining your own feelings is an important first step.

Then it can be helpful to start examining the reason why you feel this way. Do you think your spouse should have done something different? Do you think your spouse is not behaving the way you would expect? Are you feelings hurt because you are offended by your spouse’s actions? Identifying the reasons why you feel the way you do can help you to see things from your spouse’s point of view. Read the rest of this article »

For couples who are talking about divorce, it is important that you consider many factors before making a decision. The emotional turmoil related to a strained marriage can make it difficult to think clearly and make a well-considered decision about whether to divorce or stay together. For other couples, the pain of infidelity or grief can make it difficult to think clearly about the future of the relationship.

It is important that you’ve considered many factors before deciding on divorce. Sometimes it takes time to consider these issues and ask yourself some important questions. At other times, a marriage counselor can help you consider your options carefully. Read the rest of this article »

Sometimes couples become upset with each because their needs are not being met. However, often, the spouse has no idea what the other one needs. Learning how to clearly communicate your needs to your spouse can make a big difference to your marriage and your personal happiness.

Avoid Making Assumptions

Sadly, many people struggle to clearly express their needs to their spouse. Instead, they think “she should already know” or “I shouldn’t have to ask.” It’s important to remember that your spouse isn’t a mind reader. If you don’t ask, your spouse won’t know. Read the rest of this article »

When one parent decides to become a stay at home parent, there are sometimes marital issues that arise as a result. Arguments often ensue out about household responsibilities, money, and social time. It is important to work together to address with these so that it does not cause serious marital problems.

Shared Responsibilities

One of the most common complaints from stay at home parents is that they feel overwhelmed with the household responsibilities. The most common concern is that the working parent no longer helps out around the house. Read the rest of this article »

It’s important to be on the lookout for warning signs that your marriage may be in trouble. Sometimes couples who feel like divorce could never happen to them are surprised to learn that this just isn’t the case. It is important to recognize red flags that may indicate marital problems so you can address them early on.

Of course, every relationship is different and there isn’t one single way to know the health of your marriage. It would be easy if there were a relationship thermometer or computer program that offered you some objective feedback. Since these don’t exist, it can be helpful to be on the lookout for warning signs of potential danger. Read the rest of this article »

Problems that Contribute to a Sexless Marriage

Many books and articles have been published recently about the “sexless marriage.” It seems some couples have just accepted that there marriage lacks physical intimacy. If a marriage lacks intimacy, the true joys of marriage aren’t able to be reached.

Many couples experience sexual problems at one time or another. Often, one partner has a higher sex drive and may feel their sexual desires are not being met. However, some couples just stop all sexual activity and live more like roommates rather than lovers. Read the rest of this article »

The question of how much to tell your spouse will arise at some point during the marriage. Some people wonder, “Do I need to tell my spouse everything?” Others assume it is healthy to not tell everything all the time. So the question is, what is the difference between privacy and secrecy? And is it okay not to tell your spouse everything? Could it be harmful to spill the beans about everything?

What’s the Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy?

Privacy is healthy. Secrecy is not. So what’s the difference? Webster’s dictionary defines private as “unsuitable for public display.” It defines a secret as “kept from knowledge or view” and “not acknowledged.” Read the rest of this article »

It’s common for couples to disagree over raising the kids. However, these disagreements aren’t necessarily bad. In fact, disagreements about parenting issues can show that you are both involved. What makes the difference in whether or not these disagreements are productive, depends on how you settle them.

Arguing about parenting issues isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be a sign that both parents are working together as a team on parenting issues. If you and your spouse are working together to make decisions on how to raise the children, it is inevitable that you’ll disagree at times. The discussions you have when you disagree can be very helpful in addressing important issues. Read the rest of this article »

If you were to complete the rest of the sentence, “My marriage would be good if…” what would you say? What sorts of things do you imagine would need to happen before your marriage could be better? It’s important to recognize that you may not need to experience any big changes. Instead, you may be able to make your marriage better today by using acceptance.

Change the Way You Think

Sometimes people think there needs to be a change before their marriage can be good. For example, a husband may think, “My marriage will be better once my wife starts working again.” Or a wife may think, “Our marriage would be good if my husband wasn’t such a slob.” Waiting for something to change often means you don’t put in any effort to make the marriage better in the meantime. Read the rest of this article »

Marrying someone whose first spouse passed away is much different than marrying someone who has simply been divorced. It’s important to be aware of your spouse’s needs when entering into a marriage with a widow or widower. Unlike when there’s been a divorce, the first marriage didn’t end because it didn’t work out. Therefore, there are some extra things to take into consideration.

Accept Your Spouse’s Past

Don’t pretend your spouse’s first marriage didn’t exist. You’ll need to embrace your spouse’s previous life. In fact, many people who marry a widow say they feel like their marriage includes the first spouse in some way. Read the rest of this article »

There are several things you can work on every single day to improve your marriage. Taking small steps each day can help improve your habits. Over time, it can greatly improve the quality of your relationship. The following four areas can be addressed each day and can help you to gain more skills that can be very helpful to your marriage.

Practice Your Listening Skills

Listening is the most important part of communication. Learning how to actively listen to your spouse can make a big difference. Active listening requires that you show you are interested in what your spouse is saying and it also shows that you are genuinely trying to understand your spouse’s message.

When your spouse is talking to you, avoid other distractions. Turn of the television. Put down the laptop. If you are doing something that cannot wait, tell your spouse that you need another minute or two before you can offer your full attention. Then, when you can give your undivided attention, tell your spouse you are ready to listen. Make eye contact with your spouse to show you are paying attention. Read the rest of this article »

Okay, so you’ve done it with the kids. Maybe you’ve done it 2, 4, 6…a dozen times! Many parents have. But now that it’s time to take a trip for just the two of you, perhaps you might have some hesitation about returning to Walt Disney World without your children (or grandchildren). Put your hesitations aside, say the travel experts. Disney is just as wonderful without the kids, and visiting sans children opens a whole new realm of possibilities!

Disney World is a mecca for adults who love good food, great shows, and top-notch accommodations. Of course, if you’re fond of the rides as well, there’s nothing stopping you from enjoying those, too. But with a little research and planning, you’ll find that a trip to America’s number one vacation destination can be a great way to spend quality time with your significant other, whether you’re goal is to improve your relationship or simply to bask in its wonderfulness. Read the rest of this article »

It’s a goal for every couple to be happy in their marriage. This often means overcoming hiccups, forgiving past grievances, letting go of each others’ little annoyances, and even doing things for the other that you don’t really want to do (like redecorating the house for her or going to football games with him). Doing these things are great and are essential in creating a happy marriage, but after so long of working just to keep the peace with each other and doing things to avoid conflict, couples often discover that they wish their relationship had more flavor. They wish it was more exciting, more vibrant, more passionate, etc. This doesn’t mean that they’re not in love with their spouse or that they’re not happy in their relationship. They just wish their relationship had more excitement, more variety and more…well, flavor. So below are some tips that will help you to create more flavor in your relationship. Read the rest of this article »

If you are concerned about the state of your marriage, you may have considered seeking marriage counseling. However, approaching your spouse about marriage counseling can be a tricky subject. If your feel like your marriage is already on the rocks, it is important to learn how to broach the subject with diplomacy.

Types of Problems Marriage Counselors Address

It’s important to know what sorts of problems marriage counselors can address. The most common problems include issues with communication, problems resolving conflict, and sexual problems.  Sometimes couples attend counseling because they have some general feelings of disconnection or difficulty getting along. Read the rest of this article »

It is important to recognize that minimizing the negative consequences of your behaviors is unhealthy to your marriage. Learning to validate your partner’s feelings and take responsibility for your actions can help resolve a lot of marital problems. However, this requires you to be able to listen to your partner and really hear how your behaviors have impacted your spouse.

What is Minimizing?

Minimizing is a defense mechanism that is a form of denial. If someone minimizes the negative consequences of their behaviors it can help them continue to think “it wasn’t that bad.” Sometimes this helps them justify continuing their behavior. Other times it is an attempt to avoid addressing the issue. Read the rest of this article »