The Marriage Counseling Blog

There are few relationships that are really perfect; in fact, most relationships go through their ups and down. Some relationships seem to go through the extremes. One moment they are quite happy, and the next, one member is walking out, either ‘going back home to mom’ or ‘spending the night in town’. These are the relationships that are bouncing with neither party truly happy. In the long run, these relationships are doomed to fail unless some action is taken to stop the bounce. If you want to stop your relationship from bouncing, consider some of these issues.

Patterns: A close examination of a bouncing relationship can often reveal patterns to the highs and lows. The end of the month when bills are due, binge drinking, and children are often a common source of disagreement amongst couples. If you can identify these patterns, you may be able to work together to change the way they affect your relationship.

Gratification: There are many people who live for a secondary gain such as personal gratification. Why does she ‘go back home to mom’? Because she wants him to ask her to come home (and that’s why he stays in town too). If you can identify this secondary gain in your relationship, then you may need the services of a professional counselor to help you work through them.

Reality: Unreal expectations can create a lot of tension in a relationship. The wife isn’t as good a cook as his mom; the husband isn’t being promoted and earning more; these are often expectations we have that over time are not fulfilled. Sometimes a reality check is in order. Does your wife have to be a great cook? Does your husband need to be constantly climbing the corporate ladder?

Communication: You could tie all of the above into poor communication for both sides of the relationship. Being able to express oneself clearly and freely is important in any relationship. Being able to stop and actually listen to what your partner saying is equally important. Develop good communication skills and you’re well on your way to solving many of the problems that occur in a relationship.

If you can identify one or more of those issues in your relationship, then the time has come to do something about resolving those issues. Counseling is an important tool that helps open communication channels while also dealing with individual problems. If your relationship is bouncing around, either bounce it altogether or work together to stop the bounce.