The Marriage Counseling Blog

Many couples report feeling bored in their relationship.  Some couples report losing the “spark” they once experienced. Couples often struggle in dealing with the stress of jobs, children, bills, lack of time, loss of energy that can drain the relationship of passion. To address this issue, couples need to evaluate themselves as individuals as well as the relationship.

Remember the hopes and dreams that you used to have? Determine if you still have any of those same ones. Often, the daily grind of work and other duties leaves people with little time or energy to pursue their dreams. Evaluate whether the goals you used to have still make sense and are worth pursuing. If so, evaluate what steps you would need to take to work toward your goals again. If not, develop some new goals. Evaluate the goals you have for yourself individually as well as the goals you share as a couple.

When was the last time you tried something new? Often, couples get stuck in a rut. They have the same daily schedule. Eat the same meals each week and do the same chores. Learning a new skill, taking on a new hobby, or planning an adventure in a new place can reignite some passion and a spark that was once there.

Take a look at the last time you had fun together. Although it may have been fun to attend a child’s school play, really think about the last time the two of you did something together that brought you joy. If it is hard to remember the last time, it is a good sign that you aren’t having enough fun times together. Plan a fun outing for just the two of you. It’s likely that if someone had asked you when you were first dating when you had last had fun together, you would have been able to recall some recent examples of fun times.

Do you find joy in daily activities you do together? Do you find yourself grumbling about having to cook dinner, buy groceries, or take out the trash? If so, try to focus on being in the moment and enjoying yourself. There’s no reason you can’t have fun together. Chances are, when you were dating, cooking a meal together would have equaled a good time. Try to think of these activities as an opportunity to share with one another and “whistle while you work.”