The Marriage Counseling Blog

After a few years of seeing your spouse everyday, you might not experience the same sexual spark of excitement that you used to experience when you were dating. It is normal for some of this to fade over time as your brain chemistry actually changes when you first fall in love. When your brain chemistry returns to normal, you won’t experience those same highs as much or as intense. However, it is important to keep that special spark between the two of you and not lose it altogether.

Often, people complain of feeling bored in the marriage. They may be comfortable with one another, but the excitement and passion are no longer there. It is important to pay attention to some of your daily habits in order to help keep some of that passion that really separates your relationship from all other relationships in your life. Change some of our daily habits and it can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself, your partner, and your marriage.

Pay Attention to What You Are Wearing

If you tend to return home from work and throw on some sweatpants everyday, it may not be helping your marriage. Often people will dress up for work, getting together with friends, and going out, but they don’t put as much effort into how they look for their partner. It’s likely that early on in your relationship you spent a lot more time caring about how you looked, what you wore, and your overall appearance. Think back to when you were dating. How much effort did you put into your appearance then compared to now?

You don’t have to wear business-like attire around the house all the time. However, consider putting some effort into your appearance when you are spending some alone time with your spouse. You might find that instead of sitting on opposite ends of the couch, you feel more like sitting next to one another. It can help bring back some passion into the marriage when you put energy into how you look for your partner.

Plan Date Nights

Plan some date nights with your partner. Especially the ones that require you to get a little bit dressed up. This can help you feel better and can also increase the passion in the marriage. If you are used to wearing t-shirts and sneakers, put on something a little more formal and it may do some wonders for your marriage. Date nights also give you the opportunity to slow down, escape other distractions and focus on one another.

Exercise

Sometimes people don’t exercise because they don’t have enough energy. Well, energy won’t just appear out of the blue. In fact, the more you exercise, the more energized you will feel. So don’t wait until you feel like exercising to get started. Start exercising now and then and you’ll feel better.

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can improve your self-confidence, energy level, and overall sex appeal. This can be helpful to any marriage. Consider exercising with your partner. Going running or walking together can be great ways to help you connect with one another. If your partner isn’t interested, go by yourself. It can also give you the opportunity to have some solitude and can help you recharge your batteries.

Eating Habits 

Pay attention to what you are eating (and drinking). Weight gain tends to creep up on people over the years. And when people gain weight they can become self-conscious. This can make it tempting to hide under baggy clothes and can also make people want to avoid intimacy. Eating a healthy diet can help you feel more energized and vibrant which can help increase the sexual energy in the marriage.

Feel Better About Yourself 

Pay attention to how you feel about yourself. If you are feeling unattractive, your partner is going to pick up on those vibes. Feeling good about yourself can help your partner feel good about you too.

Try not to complain about your appearance in front of your partner. If your spouse hears comments like, “I’m ugly,” or “I’m fat,” it isn’t going to ignite any sexual sparks.

Don’t wait until you’ve lost ten pounds or until you’ve started exercising to start feeling better. Ask yourself, “What is one thing I can do today to feel good about myself?” It might mean going for a walk, helping a neighbor, finally crossing something off your to do list, or spending some quality time with your spouse. Pay attention to what you can do now to feel good. When people feel good about themselves, it can be a quick way to increase the sexual energy in the marriage.

This article was written by Amy Morin, LCSW, and posted on Sunday, March 4th, 2012 at 8:06 am. It is filed under Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.