Archive for the 'Self Help' Category

If you can’t Change Your Marriage, Change the way you think About It

There are problems within the marriage that are meant to be solved. Then, there are other problems that are not going to be fixed. These sorts of problems may be differences in values or beliefs, or may be personality differences. Just because these aren’t likely to change doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed. Instead, you […]

Don’t cut off your Nose to spite Your Face in Your Marriage

The saying “don’t cut off your nose to spite your face” refers to seeking revenge in a way that is self-destructive. Doing so often causes more problems for the person seeking revenge rather than the intended victim. Many people tend to get into these patterns of self-destruction where they mistakenly make their own situation worse. […]

The Importance of Treating Anxiety Disorders

Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time. However, people with anxiety disorders experience higher levels of anxiety. Their anxiety can interfere with their daily life and create a variety of problems, including marriage problems. If you or your spouse experiences problems with anxiety, it is important to learn about it so you can decide how […]

Learning How to Recognize and Replace Angry Thoughts

What you think about influences your mood. When you feel angry, you can either dwell on your angry thoughts or try to replace your thoughts with more rational ones. It is important to look at the sorts of angry thoughts you tend to have when you are upset and then learn how to replace those […]

Asperger’s Syndrome and “Finicky” Eaters

As I have written before, I am both an anthropologist and clinical psychologist.  In my latter role, one of the populations with whom I work is children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Over the years I have noticed that a child who has Asperger’s Syndrome can be “finicky” when s/he eats.  In this post, I […]

How Mindfulness Skills Can Improve Your Marriage

In today’s fast-paced society, many people feel like they thrive on multi-tasking. People text while talking to others in a busy restaurant, clean the house while talking on the phone, and have multiple screens open on their computer so they can pay bills and catch up on social media all at the same time. This […]

The Pros and Cons of Your Angry Behaviors

Anger can cause problems in a marriage. How people behave when they are angry can contribute to a breakdown in the marriage. Sometimes people don’t recognize that their anger is a problem. It can be helpful to spend some time thinking about how you handle your anger and how this impacts your relationship. Think about […]

Winter Darkness

Winter is here for many of us.  Less sunlight, snow, clouds, rain, being shut in—these are the ingredients of a season that leads many of us to gloom. I have a few suggestions, but I want to preface my remarks by saying that I know many of us in this economy do not have all […]

Feeling Angry with Yourself

When people are angry with themselves, their anger impacts all areas of their life. Feeling angry at yourself is going to interfere with relationships, work, and how you feel about yourself in general. If you’ve done something wrong, it’s important to learn how to deal with the consequences effectively. When you’ve made a mistake, you […]

Thought Stopping – An Anger Management Tool

What you think about impacts how you feel. The more you think about something that causes you to feel angry, the angrier you will feel. Thought stopping is an effective tool that can help you manage your anger. When people feel angry, sometimes they tend to dwell on whatever caused them to feel that way. […]

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Relaxation Skills Can Help You Manage Your Anger

Whether you struggle to manage your frustrations about traffic, have difficulty tolerating your spouse’s bad habits, or arrive home from work still angry, it’s important to learn skills to help you manage your anger. If you struggle to manage your anger it’s likely to impact your marriage in several different ways. When people experience chronic […]

Chronic Anger and Irritability

Some people tend to behave crabby and irritable all the time. They are easily angered and let their frustrations be known. This can have serious negative consequences to all of their relationships, especially their marriage. People who always seem to be in a bad mood tend to point out minor inconveniences in life. They often […]

The Difference Between Anger and Aggression

Anger is a feeling. Aggression is a behavior. However, often the two get confused. At other times people use their anger as an excuse to behave in an aggressive manner. Anger is an acceptable emotion just like happiness or sadness. Everyone feels angry sometimes. However, many people deny that they ever feel angry. For others, […]

How Does a Bad Temper Hurt the Marriage?

A bad temper can be toxic to many relationships, especially a marriage. It can cause a variety of problems for both partners. A bad temper can be a bad habit and without appropriate anger management skills, it can lead to a marriage dissolving. People who have a bad temper often “explode.” They may yell, scream, […]

How To Deal With Your Unemployed Partner-part 1

Your partner is unemployed. Perhaps s/he has just lost their job or has been downsized. S/he is depressed, anxious, and at loose ends. You both feel exhausted and at dead ends.  Are there actions that you can take to help her or him?  This will be a two-part  post. Here are a few suggestions. Before […]

Focus on Managing Your Own Emotions and Behaviors, Even When Your Partner Isn’t

When your partner is out of line with his behaviors, it is important to focus on managing yourself. When your partner’s anger or behaviors escalate, your reaction can either fuel the fire or not. Learning how to keep your emotions and behaviors in check is important to a healthy marriage. How do you handle your […]

Some Help with Eating Too Much….

I don’t want to get into a debate over causes of  obesity and all the reasons why people become overweight.  I do have some thoughts about helping in terms of weight control.  For many years I have been working on doing psychological assessments for people who are thinking of going through  gastric bypass or laparoscopic […]

Managing Stress Without Damaging the Marriage

All couples face various stressors throughout their lives. Many major points of stress are caused by major life transitions. Difficulty dealing with these stressors can have a negative impact on the marriage if they are not dealt with successfully. For many couples, milestones that cause stress include the birth of a child, caring for an […]

The Impact of Aggression on the Marriage

Acts of aggression can be very damaging to the marriage. Aggression does not just include physical aggression. Aggression includes verbal altercations, threats, or even intimidating looks. Any behavior used to get your partner to “back down” can be considered aggressive. Aggression often causes one person to seek control over making decisions and it becomes impossible for the couple […]