Sometimes trying something new feels awkward, especially at first. Fear of embarrassing yourself may prevent you from doing something different. No one likes to feel awkward and many people avoid doing anything that would make them feel this way. However, it can be easy to get stuck in a marital rut and without making changes the relationship can grow stale and won’t grow.
Are there things you would like to change but don’t really know how? Perhaps you want to communicate better with your spouse. Maybe you want to share your feelings more often. Or maybe you want to start praising and complimenting your partner frequently or showing more physical affection. Other things people might struggle with include initiating sex, expressing anger, engaging with your spouse’s friends and family, and discussing difficult topics. All of these things are important for a marriage but can feel awkward at first if you haven’t been doing them.
Perhaps you have never been one to share your feelings. And after 15 years of marriage, you wonder how on earth you walk up to your spouse and say, “I’m feeling sad today.” Although that might be anxiety-provoking, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Instead, it might mean you have to learn how to tolerate the anxiety you are likely to feel, and do it anyway.
The more you practice a new behavior the easier it becomes. A person who has never played the piano before isn’t going to become a great pianist just by listening to music and reading about how to play. Instead, he would have to actually practice doing it. New marriage skills are much the same. They require you to do them over and over again before you become good at them.
Maybe there’s something that you have been considering changing but haven’t found the courage to do it yet. If so, weigh the pros and cons of not making a change. Think about the possible outcomes and what is likely to happen if you do make a change. Don’t let fear hold you back from improving your marriage.