Deciding Whether or Not to Let Go of Past Hurts
If you have been hurt by your partner in the past, letting go of that hurt can be difficult. Past hurts that are not dealt with often lead to ongoing feelings of resentment, frustration and anger. It can cause a variety of relationship difficulties when someone has not been able to forgive and move past a previous infraction.
A variety of problems can lead to a partner feeling hurt. The most common infraction is an affair. Affairs cause a variety of emotions for the other partner. Feelings of betrayal and anger are common. Sometimes people have difficulty trusting again, which can lead to a variety of relationship problems.
Resentment may have also built due to the other partner’s lack of attention, financial mistakes, or parenting disagreements. Whatever the incident was that caused the hurt, it is important to deal with the issue immediately. When issues are not dealt with, they do not go away. Instead, it causes increased feelings of anger and sadness.
Sometimes, when a partner has been hurt, he tends to “throw it in the other partner’s face.” Perhaps in the middle of an argument he says, “Well, at least I never…” Or maybe he just subtly punishes her. If she made financial mistakes, perhaps he constantly reminds her of this. Or if he had an affair, maybe when they are arguing about something completely unrelated, she continues to bring it up to deflect attention from the real issue.
If you have been hurt by your partner, decide if you want to move past the incident. If you do, develop some strategies for doing so. It may require a lot of work to learn how to forgive your partner and move forward. It may also require therapy to learn how to move past mistakes. There are times when one partner determines that they can never forgive. If this is the case, it may also be important to seek treatment to develop a plan for the relationship.
