The Marriage Counseling Blog

Research studies show that people who report the happiest marriages are most easily able to recall how they fell in love with their partner. It appears that spending time recalling the reasons you fell in love can help you stay in love. Take some simple steps to help jog your memory about why you married your spouse.

Remember How You Fell in Love

In most romantic relationships, there is a moment that makes people recognize they have fallen in love. This moment may be when they realize their desire to get married and want to be together forever. Remembering when this time was, can help reinforce those loving feelings after you are married.

Spend some time thinking about the moment you remember falling in love with your partner. Was it a special occasion? Or just a time when you partner said or did something that made you feel that way? Or maybe it was just a look your partner gave you. Think back to that moment (or moments) and try to recall it with as much detail as you can.

An Example of a Falling in Love Moment

Although Joanne and Harold had been married for 35 years, Joanne could recall with ease the day she fell in love with Harold. They had been dating for a few months. She was 19 and he was 21. Joanne’s mother was having her 50th birthday party that evening and Joanne had invited Harold, in hopes she could introduce him to her extended family. Harold wasn’t sure he could make it because he had to work long hours on his father’s farm and was never certain what time he would end for the day.

Although Joanne understood, she expressed her desire for him to be there. About half way through the party, she had given up that he would make it when he hadn’t shown. But then, just as she lost hope, he walked in. He arrived filthy from his hard day at work. Although her family was shocked by his disheveled appearance, Joanne says it was at that moment that she fell in love. She didn’t care about how dirty he was or what he was wearing. Instead, she was so overcome with emotion that he had been willing to attend the party that she knew she wanted to be with this man for the rest of her life.

Spend Time Reflecting

Spend time thinking about how you fell in love with your spouse. Think about your dating experiences, your wedding, and the good times you have had together. Talk about it with your spouse as well. Don’t be surprised if your spouse remembers the information differently. Men and women actually store memories in different parts of their brain so memories can be recalled quite differently over time.

If you have trouble remembering, find some things to help you jog your memory. Talk to others who knew you when you were dating. Ask them to recall what they remember when they met your spouse.

Look through old photo albums. Reminisce with your spouse about the good times. Recall vacations you’ve been on together. Think about decisions you made together such as what house to buy, when to have a child, what to name your child, and where you wanted to live. Recalling any happy memories can be beneficial.

How Memories Can Help

Recalling the positive memories can help you get through the tough times. In all marriages, there will be times when you don’t feel those intense loving feelings anymore. Remembering the good times can help reignite some of those feelings.

Happy memories can get you through the tough times. Whether you are just having a difficult time in your marriage or you are facing financial problems, an illness, or problems with your extended family, happy memories can help relieve stress. It can also help you to see the big picture in life and help you strive to want to create more happy memories together.