The Marriage Counseling Blog

Have you ever thought about what would be different if your marriage was great? What would you be doing differently? How would you be interacting differently with your spouse?  The answers to these questions are very important and can be helpful in determining strategies to improve your marriage.

If your marriage was better would you be spending more time together? Would you be doing fun things and going on dates? Would your sex life be fantastic? Would you be able to talk about your feelings, hopes and dreams and would you spend time talking about anything and everything? Or maybe you picture something different.

Whatever your picture of a great marriage is, a great experiment to try is to “act as if.” This means that you try behaving in the way you would if your marriage were great. Instead of waiting for it to be better, make those changes now. Do the things you would be doing if your marriage was wonderful.

This doesn’t mean you have to be fake. Instead, it means you can behave in the manner you are hoping for. It means you aren’t going to wait for things to get better. Instead, you are going to make them better now by taking immediate action.

Many people find that when they “act as if” their marriage gets better. By changing their behaviors first, the change in feelings comes second. When they treat their partner better, spend more time together, and have more positive experiences, they start to feel more in love with their partner. They experience more patience, more empathy, more forgiveness, and more positive feelings about their partner.

And then when feelings start to change, behaviors continue to change in a more positive way. This can also influence your spouse. Your spouse is likely to notice your changes and may also experience improved feelings. You might see your spouse’s behaviors change as well.

Many people experience amazing results by “acting as if.” Try it for one month as an experiment. At the end of the month, evaluate your results to see if you noticed any positive changes. It can’t hurt anything and you might find that it greatly improves your marriage.