The Marriage Counseling Blog

There seems to be a lot of misconceptions about who can benefit from marriage counseling and how it can be helpful. Marriage counseling doesn’t have to be only for couples with serious problems. Instead, most couples can benefit from counseling at various points throughout their marriage to help ensure their relationship is staying strong.

Breaking Down the Stigma

When you hear of a couple who is going to marriage counseling, what do you think? Do you tend to think, “That’s great. Good for them! Their marriage is really doing well.” More than likely, if you are like most people, you are probably thinking something more like, “Oh, no they must have some serious marital problems.” Read the rest of this article »

There’s a lot of misconception about money and marriage. It can certainly be a source of contention for many couples. Getting a handle on your finances and working together as a team can make a big difference in the health of your marriage. Here are some of the biggest myths about money that should be addressed within a marriage.

1. We shouldn’t talk about money because it will cause us to fight

If you can’t talk about money without fighting, it’s all the more reason why you should be talking about it. If you fight a lot about money, it means you haven’t resolved your differences about spending and saving. It’s essential that couples develop a budget and agree on financial goals. Read the rest of this article »

It’s possible to get into the habit of having bad habits! As strange as that sounds, it can be easy to sink into a rut. Bad habits tend to come in bunches and it can be hard to get out of them. However, changing your bad habits can help you change your marriage.

How Bad Habits Impact Your Marriage

A handful of bad habits can negatively impact your marriage. An example of this can be seen in Jim’s story. Jim was a 46 year old man who had been married to Katherine for 15 years. Over the years, Jim had developed some bad habits.

Jim worked hard at the office and when he came home, he spent some time with their two children before they went to bed. He then spent the rest of the evening sitting on the couch in front of the television. Over time, weight had crept up on him and he didn’t exercise or eat healthy. He had poor sleeping habits as well. He often fell asleep in front of the television in the evenings and then had difficulty sleeping at night. Read the rest of this article »

There are many factors that can determine whether or not marriage counseling is successful. It leads to many people asking, why does counseling seem to help some people and not others?

Counseling is certainly not an exact science. It also isn’t meant to be a miracle ccure for all bad relationships. However, most people do benefit from counseling.

But there are couples who just don’t seem to benefit from marriage counseling. Despite attending counseling, their marriage just doesn’t seem to improve. It may end in divorce.

So what’s the difference between a couple who experiences success in counseling a couple who leaves counseling determining there is no hope? There are some factors that seem to interfere with the success of counseling. Read the rest of this article »

When your spouse’s health starts to decline, it can be very difficult for the both of you. Whether your spouse has developed a chronic illness or disability early in life or it is just part of the normal aging process, declining health will greatly impact your relationship. There are some steps you can take to help keep your marriage strong while dealing with the problems that result.

Problems Caused by Declining Health

Health problems can lead to lots of possible marital problems. A less healthy spouse isn’t as likely to be able to help out around the house or run errands. There may be financial problems if your spouse can’t work or can’t work as much. Medical bills may also be piling up.  Read the rest of this article »

People often look at their spouse’s quirks and characteristics that make the other person hard to live with without taking a peak at their own qualities. Sometimes, it’s a good thing to ask yourself, “Am I hard to live with?” Gaining some insight into your on quirks can go a long way in helping you develop empathy for what your spouse has to put up with.
It’s also a good question to ask your spouse. Find out what sorts of things can make you hard to live with at times. You might be surprised to learn what sorts of things drive your spouse nuts.

Look at Your Characteristics

Perhaps you’re hot tempered. Or maybe you are really insecure. Or better yet, perhaps you are a control freak. These sorts of personality characteristics can certainly be hard to live. However, people who possess these sorts of qualities are often quick to point fingers at other people’s characteristics. Read the rest of this article »

Building trust takes time; however, losing trust only takes an instant. It is important to work on continually building trust in the marriage in order to have a healthy, happy relationship. If you’ve ever lost trust, re-building it takes time and energy. Learn how to build lasting trust in your relationship.

1. Spend Quality Time Together

Spending quality time together can help you grow together as a couple. It can help you nurture a loving, trusting bond. View the time you spend together as an investment into your marriage. The more quality time you spend together, the more opportunities you have to grow together as a couple. Read the rest of this article »

If you want to improve your marriage, you don’t necessarily need to sit down and have lengthy conversations about what is working and what isn’t. In fact, just the thought of discussing relationship troubles can make many people want to run for the hills.

The good news is, you don’t necessarily need to hash out everything. Instead, focus on behaviors that you can change that don’t require a long winded discussion. Making these changes can improve your relationship and help you to focus on the positive without having to talk about it. Read the rest of this article »

Keeping Your Marriage Strong While Parenting a Teenager

There are a lot of research studies that indicate couples experience some of the biggest strain on their marriage when they are parenting a teenager. If you have more than one teenager at a time, it can mean double trouble. Or if you have kids spread so you’re parenting teenagers for many years, it can take a toll.

Although kids are never to blame for their parents’ marital issues, when parents don’t agree on parenting issues it can be a big problem. Learning how to work together to successfully parent a child who is quickly becoming an adult is essential, not just to the health of your marriage, but also to the well-being of your teen.

Even if you have a relatively well-behaved teenager, it can be a tough time for the entire family. As adolescents gain independence, they’ll make some mistakes, test limits and disagree with their parents. It’s important that parents work together as a team to ensure their teen is ready to become a responsible adult. Read the rest of this article »

People behave differently depending on whether they are satisfied or dissatisfied with their marriage. The interactions between a couple can improve the marriage or contribute to further dissatisfaction.

Couples who are happy with their marriage focus on the positive. If nine good things occurred between them, and one bad thing, they’ll focus on the good. However, ask someone who isn’t satisfied with their marriage how things have been going and they’ll focus on the one bad thing that happened.

Pay attention to the good things in your marriage. Notice when your partner tries to meet your needs. Acknowledge and praise your partner when he cooperates, negotiates and works hard. When the two of you manage to solve a problem or resolve a conflict, take notice. Read the rest of this article »

In every marriage, it is important for couples to determine what is acceptable and what isn’t during a fight. Often people have different sorts of limits of what they find to be acceptable and the different beliefs about what is acceptable and what isn’t can lead to a lot of anger and hurt if it isn’t discussed.

Examples of Couples Who Didn’t Set the Rules

Newlyweds Ethan and Shawna had difficulty settling disputes. When they disagreed about something, Shawna usually yelled. Ethan was offended by her yelling, so he tended to become angry with her for raising her voice. Soon their arguments turned into personal attacks rather than staying on topic and things just didn’t seem to get resolved.

David and Patrice had been married for ten years. Whenever they got into a disagreement, David walked off. This angered Patrice as she felt like he just couldn’t stay “being wrong” or “facing problems.” However, David thought he was doing the right thing by walking away before he got really angry and said or did things he regretted. Read the rest of this article »

When you were a kid you learned about yourself, your family and the world around you. The way you were taught to deal with emotions, such as anger, impacted your brain as you grew and developed into an adult. The good news is, if you learned some unhealthy ways to deal with anger as a kid, you can unlearn it as an adult and learn new strategies to help you become more successful in your relationship.

How Did You See Your Parents Handle Anger?

When you were young, how did you see your parents express their anger? For example, did you have a mother who always stayed quiet, even when she was upset? Or did you have a mother who was unpredictable with her anger as she sometimes flew into rages about seemingly small things? Read the rest of this article »

Communication is said to be key to marriage. However, many couples aren’t sure what sorts of communication mistakes they make and can’t pinpoint just where they’ve gone wrong.

Just because you are talking doesn’t mean you are communicating well. And just because you aren’t talking doesn’t mean you aren’t communicating. Effective communication means that both partners are able to openly discuss their thoughts and feelings while also being able to listen to one another.

Sometimes couples get into bad habits when it comes to communication. Breaking free from bad habits can be hard. The first step in improving your communication is identifying your communication problems.

1. Continuing a Discussion After it has Escalated

Often, couples don’t know when to put the brakes on a conversation. However, once things get heated, it can easily pass the point of no return. When people get angry and voices get raised, it’s unlikely that anything will get resolved. Read the rest of this article »

We’ve all met that couple who bickers constantly. It’s uncomfortable to be around. But worse yet, it’s unhealthy for their marriage. When couples are constantly bickering, the negative interactions take a serious toll on the relationship.

When couples are always arguing, there’s little room for gratitude, praise, and pleasant interactions. If you and your spouse have fallen into the bad habit of constantly bickering it is important to make some changes fast. Follow these tips to learn how to stop the constant arguing. Read the rest of this article »

Not all marriages survive an affair. Whether the affair was emotional or sexual, it can be extremely damaging to the relationship. Rebuilding trust is an essential component to overcoming an affair.

Discovering your spouse has cheated can be traumatic. This trauma can make a person very hesitant to ever trust their spouse again. Successfully rebuilding trust requires several important components. Read the rest of this article »

I see lots of marital problems in my office on a daily basis. Sometimes people come in for couples counseling. At other times, people come in for treatment of depression, anxiety or some other condition and their marriage becomes a frequent topic of discussion.

Most of the marital problems that come into my office are similar. Whether couples have been married for a few months or over 50 years, their concerns and problems are often the same. The good news is, most of the problems couples present with can be changed if a couple chooses to address them. Read the rest of this article »

It’s funny how the holidays change over time. During childhood, it’s usually about fun holiday traditions and of course, the presents. However, when you become an adult, the added responsibilities of the holidays can sometimes be quite stressful for families.

There are several potential sources of stress for couples during the holiday season. The holidays can take a toll on a family’s finances. Attempting to keep the peace with extended family can be a challenge for some couples.  Rushing from one family member’s home to another can certainly incite more panic than joy. Not to mention the extra workload. For many people the holiday season means working harder than ever. Read the rest of this article »

Life is busy. And people are often doing those things that keep them busy rather than reflecting on their life and marriage. Whether they are thinking about what happened in the past, what’s happening today, or what is likely happening tomorrow, most people don’t spend much time reflecting on the overall picture of life.

It can be helpful to take some time to reflect on your life and your marriage. Consider setting aside time to address “the state of your union” and really reflect on how things are going. This can help you determine what sort of changes you want to make and the kinds of goals you want to have. Reflect on a variety of issues about your marriage, how you are as a partner, and what you could do to make things better. Read the rest of this article »

Putting your spouse’s needs first can be a wonderful thing. It can show your desire to be loving and unselfish. It can really make a couple grow closer together.

However, giving too much can be a slippery slope. When people give all the time without caring for their own needs, it can be damaging to the marriage. It’s important to learn how to recognize when you are approaching that point so you can make some changes before it starts to damage the relationship. Read the rest of this article »