Mindfulness Skills can Improve Your Relationship
Most people think that multi-tasking is a good thing. We live in a society where we value productivity. Don’t waste any time – ever. Instead, be as busy as you can. Unfortunately, this mindset actually can cause people to be less productive and causes them to miss out on the present moment.
How often do you forget where you put something? You may have just walked in the door and set your keys down, but you have no idea what you did with them? More than likely, you weren’t being mindful of the here and now. Instead, you were focused on what you were going to do next or what happened earlier in the day.
In today’s world, people text while they drive, use the computer while watching television, and pay bills while helping the kids with their homework. How much time are you able to focus on the current moment? Can you stay in the present while spending time with your partner?
When your partner is talking to you, are you able to truly listen? Truly listening requires you to set aside your thoughts about the day, your worries about tomorrow, and your attempts to plan for tomorrow. Mindfulness is a skill that definitely takes practice.
How about when you are on a date with your partner? Are you able to focus on what is happening in the moment without your mind wandering to other things? Staying present can help you enjoy what you are doing at that very moment without being distracted by other aspects of life.
Practice mindfulness by focusing on the here and now. Pay attention to your breathing. Observe the sites, sounds, and smells in a room. Let go of the thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow and try to focus on what is happening in the present. It takes a lot of practice for most people to be comfortable with this skill.
Being able to be present with your partner can make a big difference in your emotional connection. Learning how to enjoy the moment together can help improve your relationship. Many books and self-help courses are available on mindfulness and trained therapists can assist people in practicing this skill on an individual basis.
I’ve always taught the couples I work with to master basic relaxation responding when there’s high level emotional distress in the relationship. This way, they can self-invoke a state of relaxation in place of emotional flooding. This is also great for parenting out of control teens.
Yet this is really a wonderful article. It goes beyond simple “anger management” into the real nuances of applying mindfulness practice to marital communication and genuine spousal involvement through being truly present to one and other in the moment.
Thank you. Great read!