Sometimes people offer apologies or make self-deprecating statements as a defense mechanism. This can cause difficulties in the relationship when it interferes with communication and problem solving. Learning to recognize this as a defense mechanism and a barrier to resolving the issue can help people develop a strategy to respond to this. People who use […]
In terms of doing therapy, one of the major issues clients face is dealing with their pride. Should a person apologize and admit that they made a mistake? Should a person take a job at a lower pay than s/he made before? Should someone go out of their way to help someone when that person […]
In some marriages, people act very nice and polite all the time. It actually isn’t healthy. Your spouse should be the person that you can show your anger, frustration, sadness, and irrationality to, and they’ll still love you. As children, we learn the importance of being polite. And this usually serves us well. When you […]
Do you or your spouse have difficulty saying no to people? Sometimes people strive to be people pleasers. They spend their evenings and weekends helping others and staying busy. This can take a toll on the marriage. Maybe you feel like you can’t decline an invitation even when you don’t want to go. Or maybe […]
The news has been sharing stories about states legalizing the use of GPS tracking devices to track your spouse’s whereabouts. It’s an interesting concept that a person would go so far to check up on their partner that they would track their movements. People who feel jealous sometimes exhibit desperate behaviors to see if their partner is […]
Do we all have the same sex drives throughout our lives? What happens when we’re a couple and one person wants more sex? What happens when one person no longer wants sex? These are crucial issues for each person and for both people inside the relationship. Let’s proceed carefully, with sensitivity. Begin with one person […]
In such a difficult economy, an increasing number of couples are looking for effective strategies to improve, strengthen or even save their marriages, without having to incur the often substantial expense of working with a professional counselor. There are so many popular books and websites out there offering untested and unprofessional strategies for saving or […]
We don’t often talk about what we do to help our partner to put on—and keep on—extra weight. Yet, it’s a very powerful force in our lives. Here are some thoughts about this—and some tips to try to help both of you. Before we begin, let’s say A is the person at risk and B […]
Many couples spend countless hours planning their wedding day. However, a lot of those same couples don’t spend nearly as much time planning their marriage together. It is very important for couples to talk about their goals, values, and hopes and dreams prior to getting married to ensure that these will be compatible with their […]
Sometimes people say that their partner just does not know how to communicate. Often, women will say, “my husband just does not know how to express himself.” It is actually impossible to not communicate at all. Even if he’s not talking, he’s still communicating. The majority of communication is actually non-verbal. So if your partner […]
When you and your partner have a disagreement, how do your conflicts end? It’s important to examine how your conflicts resolve. Healthy conflict resolution is good for the marriage. If your conflicts do not end in a healthy way, it can create further marital problems. When you and your partner disagree on an issue, what […]
Insecure people tend to seek constant reassurance. This can be difficult for the spouse. Sometimes verbal affirmations just don’t seem to be enough no matter how many times they are repeated. This can be stressful for a marriage. Insecurities can come in several different forms. Sometimes people are self-conscious about their appearance. Imagine a woman […]
If your spouse was married previously and had children, chances are, you have to deal with their ex. Although some families manage this well and make it look easy, this can be difficult for the majority of families. Step-parenting is a difficult task by nature. Throw in a difficult ex-spouse, and it can create some […]
Validating your partner’s feelings can be very helpful to the relationship. Learning how to acknowledge the other person’s feelings can diffuse a lot of arguments and help the other person feel heard. It can show that you have empathy for his/her feelings even when you disagree on something. Simply stating that you recognize your partner’s […]
Are you guilty of bringing up the past during a heated debate? Do you remind your spouse of a mistake he/she made a decade ago? If so, it is unlikely to be helpful. If you continue to be angry about something that happened years ago, the middle of an argument about a completely unrelated subject […]
Television, movies, and books often portray these wonderful relationships that show a damsel in distress saved by a knight in shining armor only to live happily ever after. How much of that could possibly be reality? Ever watch much reality television? Unfortunately, for some couples, that is reality. Hopefully, for most people, the truth lies […]
Everyone has needs. When a couple comes together, each person’s needs is likely to conflict with the other person’s needs. Learning how to respond to this makes the difference between a highly conflicted relationship and a peaceful marriage. Remember that you are the expert over what you need. Your partner is the expert over his/her […]
One of you is overweight. How does the other person handle it? How does the other person not make the situation worse? Here are some tips. Everyone’s talking about weight these days. We hear about an obesity epidemic—among adults, among kids. We also hear about all the bad diseases that can come along with being […]
Cannabis, or marijuana, is considered a “natural herb” by many who smoke it. However, research shows that marijuana has many negative consequences. Consequences may include legal problems, financial problems, physical health issues, and mood instability. Like with alcohol or any other drug, marijuana can create a variety of marital issues. People who smoke marijuana more than three times per week […]
In case you’re looking for some free advice, and you haven’t yet made the decision to go forward with real therapy or marriage counseling, I want to introduce you to a website we started 4 years ago. Talk About Marriage (http://talkaboutmarriage.com) was started so the public would have an open, supportive forum where they could […]
