When many people think of pre-marital counseling, they envision meeting with their priest, pastor or clergy member prior to getting married. These meetings usually involve discussing the spiritual component of the marriage and may only include on or two meetings. Although there is definitely value to this sort of counseling, pre-marital counseling with a therapist […]
Every marriage has its ups and downs. If you decide to seek counseling to help you weather some of those “down times,” there are some things you should be prepared to talk about. One of the most important factors that determine success in counseling is your willingness to be honest. Although some subjects may seem […]
A client’s story prompted this post. It has to do with staying in therapy. She was 17 and, in her terms, a mess. She had been fighting with her mother endlessly. On her own, she got herself to therapy. The therapist helped her. She provided insight, reflection, another point of view, warmth, and a better […]
In my last post, I pointed out resources for diagnosis and support if your child has Asperger’s Syndrome. I would like to address some other concerns parents and kids have raised. In sum, the future is good and reassuring! One concern parents have is this: Can my child learn how others view the world? The […]
You and your partner have decided to split. You have kids at home. What should you be thinking about in terms of their short run, medium run, and long-term needs? I raise this long question because I hear all sorts of stories as I counsel couples. I also see children, both kids and adults, who […]
There’s a recent movie called The Dilemma. It’s about what happens when some guy’s buddy thinks about telling the truth about seeing his friend with a woman not his wife. Should you always tell the truth? What if the truth has unforeseen consequences? Are you responsible—completely, partly? Should you help or be required to pick […]
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Emotions are not something people think about very often. In fact, sometimes people become so far removed from thinking about their emotions they have difficulty identifying how they are feeling. Learning how to identify your feelings can help you regulate your emotions and your reactions, which can be helpful to your relationship. Sometimes people can’t […]
Sometimes people claim, “I’ve tried everything to make my marriage work.” However, it’s unlikely they’ve tried everything. In fact, most people try one approach. And then they keep trying that same approach over and over. When it doesn’t seem to be working, they just keep doing more of the same until they exhaust themselves. If […]
When people want to manage their anger, they often ask, “Can medication help with anger?” The question doesn’t have a simple “yes” or “no” answer. Instead, anger management problems may signify underlying issues that can be treated with medication. There is no “quick fix” for anger problems that will be cured with a pill, however. […]
One of my patients recently told me that his or her boss told them to go to the EAP and get some help. The boss had mentioned some performance issues. S/he had gone to the doctor first and had gotten a fitness report. S/he then put a cover letter on the report and handed it […]
Many people find that their marriage is in trouble, but only after realizing it’s been in trouble for a long time. Sometimes by the time couples seek therapy, they aren’t even really looking for help. They seem to be looking for permission to get divorced. Waiting too long to get help can be detrimental. Sometimes […]
My previous two posts said that you shouldn’t wait to see a therapist if you’re having problems and if you and your partner are having problems. I strongly said that you don’t want the situation to get worse and create new problems. I want to talk about the kids now. (And, by the way, don’t […]
I wrote in an earlier post that it’s better not to wait when something is going wrong in your life and/or your relationship. I suggested that you see a therapist to help you sort things out. Now I’m suggesting you bring your partner into joint therapy and suggest your partner go to her/his own therapy […]
A possible new client called me recently. She desperately needed to see someone. In between sobbing, she said she should have seen someone six months ago. When I saw her, I agreed. Here’s why, and why you shouldn’t wait. If you have a serious problem and you’re not able to handle it, you need help. […]
I recently had lunch with a friend, a man in his early seventies. He told me that many people from his high school class had either died or were very sick. He was shocked at the suddenness and “overwhelmingness” of it all. I want to use the example of his situation to make some suggestions […]
Money is one of the biggest sources of stress for most couples. Yet, most couples don’t ever seek any help for financial problems. Often, people say they aren’t sure who to even turn to. Most people feel they can question therapy help with financial problems. For people who have straightforward financial questions, it likely makes […]
There have been many news stories of late about the dangers of Internet addiction. I recently wrote about sexual relationships. That post struck a chord with many of you. Are there other dangers? Let’s proceed carefully… As with any other kind of medium, there’s a research that suggests that certain kinds of computer interactions can […]
Should you ask your therapist what your diagnosis is? Would you feel better or worse knowing it? Would it enhance or break your trust with your therapist? Here are some serious thoughts and tips. Let’s start backwards here. Therapists must tell you what your diagnosis is to the limits of your ability to understand it. […]
You’re thinking of having another child. You are concerned about how this new child will affect your present one. Here are some tips. First, recognize that the newbie will affect the “oldbie.” Don’t minimize the challenge s/he faces. It’s competition for attention and energy and love. We have two cats. Our older cat is shorthaired; […]
