Using Anger to Control Your Partner 

Sometimes people use their anger as a tool to control their partner. Aggressive behaviors may include things such as threats, name calling, and throwing things. Aggression may include other forms of intimidation such as a look that is meant to control the other person.

Aggression can become both physically and emotionally abusive. It may be subtle or it may include outright acts of violence. People who react aggressively often don’t know how to get their needs met without using aggressive behaviors.

When anger is used to control the other person, the relationship is not able to be a healthy one. The marriage becomes about power and control instead of being an equal partnership.  The focus becomes on one person getting his needs met without regard for the other person’s needs.

When someone feels intimidated in the relationship, this is evidence of domestic violence. Domestic violence doesn’t have to include physical abuse, although it may. It may only include emotional abuse.

If you use anger to control your partner’s behaviors, it is important to seek help. Specialized treatment can help people learn new strategies to get their needs met, become more empathetic toward their partner, and improve communication.

Anger is a normal feeling that is okay. Aggression is a behavior that is separate from feeling angry. It is possible to feel angry and not behave aggressively. There are positive ways to express anger and feelings without becoming violent or aggressive.

For people who find themselves living with a partner who tries to use his anger to control them, it is important to seek help. Even if your partner refuses to get help, it is essential to seek help for yourself. Aggression can escalate over time and people can become increasingly violent. Local domestic violence agencies can usually assist you with establishing a safety plan and finding resources in your area. Individual therapy can also help you learn strategies to increase your safety.

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